Survive And Grow Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

73 Results for Survive And Grow

View 11 - 20 results for survive and grow comic strips. Discover the best "Survive And Grow" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #mild, #flu, #normally, #survive, #brief, #developed, #empathy, #die, #afford, #ambassador, #class, #service

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to a patient on the examining table, "You have a mild flu, and normally you would survive." Dogbert continues, "However, in this brief visit I've developed no real empathy for you, so I've decided to let you die." The man asks, "Is there anything I can do?!" Dogbert replies, "Well . . . Unless you can afford my new 'Ambassador Class' service."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #lisa, #challenge, #fear, #manliness, #drawer, #slam, #weasels, #fling, #elevator, #rule

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to a woman at a desk, "Uh . . . Lisa, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me." Lisa replies, "I can only date you if you survive the 'challenge of fear.'" Dilbert asks, "What is the 'challenge of fear'?" Lisa replies, "It's a test of your manliness." Lisa explains, "First you must stick your head in the drawer as I slam it shut." Lisa continues, "Then I staple you to the employee bulletin board." Lisa continues, "Live weasels are stuffed in your pants." Dilbert looks nervous. Lisa continues, "Finally, you must fling yourself down the elevator shaft!" Dilbert sticks his head in a drawer and says, "Ready." Lisa looks at the reader and says, "The weird thing is that THEY rule the world."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #Dogbert, #heart, #basket, #absense, #subtle, #computer, #garbage can, #chair

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "Dogbert says that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.'" Ratbert says as he climbs into the trash, "I'm going to hide in your waste basket until my absence makes you fond of me." Dilbert leaves the room. Ratbert says from inside the waste basket, "It's a subtle change at first . . . Take your time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #park bench, #noriko, #classes, #lives, #television, #channels

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Noriko sit on a park bench. Noriko says, "I can't wait to grow up and get out of school." Dogbert says, "Actually, Noriko, your generation will have to take classes and work full-time your whole lives . . . Assuming any jobs exist." Dogbert continues, "But on the plus side, television will have a thousand channels." Noriko yells, "That's it; somebody's got some explaining to do!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #computer, #natural disasters

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "You know, as a rat I'm far more likely to survive a major environmental calamity." Ratbert continues, "And there's no shortage of potential disasters - you've got global warming, ozone depletion, air pollution . . ." Ratbert asks, "Can I try on one of your shirts?" Dilbert looks angry.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #better comoritively, #dread, #fixed income, #health problems, #pre meeting meeting, #retirement, #shrink, #wrinkles, #complaints

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: Im looking forward to retirement. I can't wait! I'll have my tiny fixed income, barley enough to survive! ...and a new health problem almost everyday! Wally: I'll have wrinkles everywhere and I'll actually shrink! HAHA! I'll produce nothing and I'll complain constantly! Dilbert: You're looking forward to a ll that?? WallyL well...compared to working here... The boss: Its time for the pre meeting meeting on employee productivity. Wally and Dilbert: mmm. fixed income ...health problems...

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fourth day, #telecommuting, #clothes useless, #struck by question, #monkeys, #beards, #discuss issue, #attendance low, #around table, #introduce

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk at home. He is naked. He types in his daily log, "On my forth day of telecommuting I realize that clothes are totally unnecessary." Dilbert strokes his unshaven face and thinks, "Hey!" The log reads, "Suddenly I am struck by a question: why don't monkeys grow beards?" The log reads, "I call a meeting to discuss the issue but attendance is low." Dilbert sits at a conference table with Ratbert. Dilbert reads from a document, "Issue one: monkey beards." Ratbert says, "Let's go around the table and introduce ourselves."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #feels good, #fester and grwo, #micromanage, #plan, #self directed team, #team meetings, #full blown loathing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands in front of a conference table with an overhead projector on it. He points to a diagram and says, "My plan is to make you a self-directed team." Alice, Dilbert and Wally are at the table. The Boss continues, "After a few team meetings, the disrespect you have for each other will fester and grow into full-blown loathing." The Boss adds, "You'll BEG me to micro-manage you!! Ha ha ha!!" Wally comments, "It actually feels good to have a plan."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #grow a beard, #ted, #not smart enough, #grows horn

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and Ted are drinking coffee. Ted says, "I've decided to mask my boyish looks by growing a beard." As he and Dilbert walk away, Wally says, "I didn't think Ted was smart enough to know how to grow a beard." Dilbert laughs. The caption says, "Two weeks later." Ted points to a beard growing on his forehead and says to the Boss, "How do you like my beard?" The Boss thinks, "My search for a new manager is over."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #promoted ted, #new manager, #new beard, #grow from forehead, #wrong, #punish them, #bad opinions

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss gestures toward Ted and says to Alice and Dilbert, "I promoted Ted to be your new manager. I used to think he looked boyish, but his new beard has changed that." Alice and Dilbert look shocked. Alice asks, "Are either of you the least bit concerned that Ted's beard is growing from his forehead?" As they walk away, Ted says to the Boss, "She made it sound as if it's wrong." The Boss says, "You can punish them for having bad opinions."