Wild Guess Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm grumpy today, so don't even try to talk to me." Dogbert continues, "And don't try to flatter me or give me chocolate cake to make me feel better." Dilbert says, "And I guess I shouldn't scratch you behind the ears until you have little leg spasms." Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs and says, "Right. None of that."
Dilbert walks next to a woman and thinks, "I can't believe she agreed to have dinner with me." In the restaurant, Dilbert pulls out the woman's chair and thinks, "I'm afraid to say anything to spoil this moment . . ." Dilbert thinks, "I guess I should say something to break the ice." The woman asks, "Did I mention that I'm a witch?"
Dilbert and Dogbert stand in the hallway of a couple's house. The man says, "We're so glad you guys could stop by." Dilbert replies, "Thanks for inviting us." Dogbert thinks, "We hardly know them." The woman says, "I'd offer you some coffee, but that would be a bother." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . None for me. Thanks." The woman says, "I noticed you didn't bring any food as a courtesy to your hosts. I guess we'll eat when you leave." The man says, "We usually watch television now, but I'll try not to appear bitter about your visit." The man and woman sit in chairs while Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the floor. The man asks, "Why haven't we done this sooner?" Dogbert replies, "We thought you were scum."
Dilbert stands in the express line at the supermarket. The cashier says to the old woman in front of Dilbert, "This looks like a lot more than ten items, ma'am." The woman replies, "It doesn't matter. I'm old and you must do as I say." The woman continues, "I have some coupons for totally unrelated products and a fourth-party personal check from North Yemen." The woman reaches into her purse and says, "They're hopelessly lost in my bag. I'll rummage while you all wait." As she rummages, her head disappears into the bag. She says, "What the . . ." The store clerk watches as the woman screams and falls into the pocketbook. The clerk tells Dilbert, "Wild coyotes in the handbag . . . I've seen this before." A dog barks and burps inside the bag.
Dilbert: Please, mother nature, don't make me leave the earth!! Mother Nature: Don't talk back to me!! I work hard to give you a lovely planet, and look what you do to it! Dilbert: But... But I recycle newspapers! Mother Nature: Oh, well, excuse me. I guess the dolphins are safe, thanks to you. Dilbert: And I've noticed less acid rain since I started.
Dogbert answers the front door and asks, "Yes?" A police officer says, "Mr. Dogbert, I have bad news." The policeman continues, "It appears that Dilbert was hunted down and killed by wild deer." The officer continues, "We think it was a professional job; they didn't leave fingerprints."
Bob the Dinosaur says to Dogbert, "That's all Dilbert left you in his will? A gadget?" Dogbert replies, "I'm just the custodian." Bob says, "Maybe it's some kind of hyper-electronic induction transmutant geoplasmic nodal collectimizer." Dogbert replies, "Maybe . . . But I'm guessing bathroom soap dispenser." Bob picks up the device and asks, "Can I change my guess?"
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Hi . . . Uh, why am I naked and sitting in a garbage can?" Dogbert replies, "Either you were killed by wild deer and we cloned you back to life from your old garbage . . . Or . . ." Dilbert says, "I hope I like the second choice." Dogbert says, ". . . Or you saved a lot of money on an above-ground pool."
Dilbert sits at his desk. A woman says, "Dilbert, I need to fill out an absence report for the days you missed work." Dilbert replies, "Well, Mother Nature got mad and had wild deer kill me. But my garbage man and my dog cloned me back to life." The woman says, "I'll put 'sick.'"
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the paper. Dogbert says, "I'm bored. I'm going to scare strangers." Dilbert replies, "Enjoy." Dogbert walks out of the house thinking, "Luckily, lots of people are afraid of dogs." Dogbert stands on the sidewalk and says to a passer by, "Hey mister, I've got rabies!!" The man replies, "I'm only afraid of global warming." Dogbert stands in front of a woman and shouts, "Pit bull! Pit bull!" The woman says, "Save it . . . I'm only afraid of acid rain." Dogbert shouts at a man, "Mad dog! Mad dog!" The man says, "Sorry, I only fear the national debt." Dogbert shouts at a boy carrying a skateboard, "Wild carnivore!" The boy replies, "Chill out, dog dude. I'm only scared of the hole in the ozone layer." Another man says, ". . . Garbage crisis." Dogbert says, "People scare me."