dilbert and ceo on video call.
dilbert: it isn't fair that alice gets all the best projects.
boss: and what's your point?
dilbert: it's not fair.
boss: you already said that.
dilbert: you should do something to make it more fair.
boss: why?
dilbert: because it's not fair?
boss: did you bump your head?
boss and alice on video call.
boss: how did your zoom call with the client work out?
alice: i lost all respect for him after seeing his poorly staged bookshelves in the background. but we'll still take his money, right?
alice: yes, he doesn't deserve to keep any of it.
tina: dilbert is always interrupting me because i'm a woman. how do you deal with it when he interrupts you?
alice: he doesn't interrupt me.
tina: that makes no sense. he interrupts me because i'm a woman, and you're a woman...so...
alice: maybe he doesn't interrupt me because i make sense when i talk. whereas you're more of a babbling nincompoop and a notorious ruiner of meetings.
tina: well, i certainly don't know where you...
alice: let's head back now.
tina: you interrupted me!
alice: try to spot the pattern.
alice: can you adjust your camera so i'm not looking up your nose? okay, now can you adjust your lighting so you don't look like a lightbulb with a beard?
voice from laptop: how's my audio?
alice: it's as good as your ideas.
Alice on video call.
voice from laptop: i can't hear you.
Alice: well, i'm an engineer, and you're in sales, so that narrows it down to some dumb thing you're doing.
voice from laptop yelling: i...can't...hear...you...
alice: this is going to be a long meeting.
alice: you did a great job on your project ted.
ted: thank you.
alice: you are most welcome.
ted: wait. why do i have a sense of dread and foreboding? it isn't like you to give out generous compliments. this feels like a trap. you're lulling me into a false sense of security. you plan to sabotage my career to make yourself look better by comparison.
ted yelling: you monster!
boss: what's this all about?
alice thinking: that worked out.
alice: i'm too hungry to make good decisions. i need a break so i can eat a snack.
boss: how do you know your decisions are bad?
alice: i'm starting to agree with you.
boss: i don't understand.
alice is gone: exactly
alice: sometimes, asok, i think everyone in the world is an idiot except for you and me.
asok: i can't tell if you are serious.
alice: i guess it's down to just me.
dilbert: ...so what we need to do...
phone on table: ding
dilbert: okay, now you're only pretending to listen to me because your mind is on that incoming text message. would you like to look at it and respond?
alice: only if you don't think you can wrap this up in fifteen seconds or so.
boss to tina: i'm planning to increase the budget for training by fifty percent next year.
tina to dilbert: he didn't say anything about the other budgets.
dilbert to wally: he didn't say anything about the budget for research and development.
wally to alice: sounds like he's phasing out research and development.
alice to asok: he wouldn't phase out research and development unless he knows the company is failing.
asok to carol: the company must be going bankrupt.
carol to boss: the company is bankrupt.
boss thinking: i guess i don't need to increase the training budget.
