Catbert Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

655 Results for Catbert

View 11 - 20 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Is Accused

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Is Accused  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #complaint, #managers & supervisors, #subordinate, #accuse, #inappropriate, #crime, #hug, #defense, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: seventy-three subordinates are accusing you of inappropriate behavior. ceo: i don't see what's so "inappropriate" about threatening to ruin a subordinate's career unless i get a hug. catbert: you know that's a crime, right? ceo: maybe i shouldn't handle my own defense.

Catbert Keyboard Audit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Catbert Keyboard Audit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #human resources, #keyboard, #audit, #remote, #workers, #silly, #laptop

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert at laptop. catbert: human resources is doing keyboard audits on all remote workers. catbert: looks like you have a keyboard right there. catbert laying on keyboard: mmm-mmm! dilbert: will this take long?

Tricking Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tricking Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #reward, #business, #performance, #punish, #good, #bad, #work, #tricking, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert to boss: you've tried rewarding good performance and punishing bad. but have you tried tricking employees into working hard? boss: no, can you teach me? catbert to asok: remember, hard work is its own reward. asok: is it?

Dna Says Wally Will Steal

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dna Says Wally Will Steal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #psychology, #dna, #steal, #office supplies, #junk, #science, #experts, #listen

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: wally, according to your dna, the odds of you stealing office supplies later this week are nearly 100%. wally: that sounds like junk science. catbert to boss: he refuses to listen to experts.

Lucky Profits

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lucky Profits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus, #business, #compensation, #executive, #managers & supervisors, #pandemic, #sarcasm, #technology, #video conferencing, #zoom, #luck

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert to ceo: there's a problem with your executive compensation. the company made so much money during the pandemic, purely by luck, that your bonus would be ten million dollars. ceo: i earned it. catbert: you made zoom calls wearing only socks.

New Words

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Words - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #new words, #racist, #sexist, #power, #master switch, #server, #shelve, #politically correct, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: it has come to our attention that many of the words we use at work are racist and often sexist. for example, we can no longer refer to the main power shut-off as a "master switch." dilbert: is that the one on the server rack? catbert: we call those "shelves" now.

Trick Question

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Trick Question  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #interview, #question, #trick, #blm, #black lives matter, #dismissed, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: we added the following trick question to our interview process... do black lives matter? interviewee: yes, of course. catbert: say more about that. interviewee: i think all... catbert yelling and pointing: dismissed!

Management Got Virus

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Management Got Virus   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #health, #management, #coronavirus, #quarantined, #work, #wisdom, #idiot, #theme, #face mask, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: the entire management team has contracted coronavirus and is quarantined. they asked me to tell you to stop working, because without their wisdom, you idiots will ruin everything. any questions? dilbert: no, i think you covered the main themes.

Boss Is White Supremacist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Is White Supremacist   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #complaint, #covid, #denial, #envy, #managers & supervisors, #members, #pandemic, #staff, #system, #white supremacist

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: members of your staff have complained that you are a white supremacist. boss wearing face mask: but...i'm not. catbert: that's not for you to decide. boss: who gets to decide? catbert: people who want your job. it's not a perfect system.

Should Have Done It Sooner

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Should Have Done It Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #dollars, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #patch, #payroll, #problem, #raise, #savings, #software, #technology, #years

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.