Accept The Things Can't Change Comic Strips - Page 2
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View 11 - 20 results for accept the things can't change comic strips. Discover the best "Accept The Things Can't Change" comics from Dilbert.com.
boss: i'm happy to announce that our company has produced a vaccine for covid-19. dilbert: how did we do that? we're not even a pharma company. boss: i'm not going to lie. we had to cut some corners to get it done. dilbert: such as... boss: well, for example... we couldn't meet every single target we hoped to achieve. dilbert: how many targets did we miss? boss: only two things. dilbert: safety and efficacy? boss: okay, four things.
dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered many disturbing things. for example, did you know that the sales department holds cockfights on the third floor every tuesday? boss: why have i never been invited? dogbert: you're not a rooster.
boss and dilbert communicating on video conference call. dilbert: let's schedule a follow-up call. do you prefer zoom, FaceTime, signal, WhatsApp, or voice call? boss: zoom dilbert: how about next tuesday at 10 a.m. my time, which is 1 p.m. your time? boss: i'll be on the road then, so you 10 a.m. will be my noon. but that's after the time change. boss: and i can't remember if i'm going to a place that change their clocks. dilbert: why don't we skip the whole thing because the call we are scheduling probably won't be any more useful than this one. boss: let us never speak of this again.
dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: do you like my new t-shirt? it's two sizes too small, but that's all they had. dogbert: wouldn't it be better to buy shirts that you like that are also the right size? dilbert: in theory, yes. but i have been buying t-shirts for years, and i don't recall seeing that option.
dilbert in control room with others: we've triple-checked all systems, and we are ready to launch the satellite. nothing can go wrong. initiating launch. boss: nothing can go wrong? what if an alien spaceship appears over the launch site? dilbert: gaaa!!! don't jinx us. boss: that's not how reality works. i can't make things happen just by suggesting them. dilbert: you're wrong! that is exactly how reality works! wa;;y: something just appeared on radar directly above the rockets trajectory. boss: maybe it's a bird. wally: it's the size of belgium.
dilbert: yesterday someone disagreed with me, and i changed his mind using data and reason. wally: that isn't possible. dilbert: i didn't think so either, but it happened. wally: smells like a trap. dilbert: i couldn't sleep all night.
wally to boss and dilbert: sorry i'm late. my alarm didn't go off because my town lost power and my phone battery died. and we lost power because the state closed down the lost coal power plant to reduce co2 emissions. so really, the fault lies with climate change, not me. dilbert: (slow clap)
boss: headquarters has released a new list of things you are not supposed to say when visiting our elbonian factory. at the top of the list, never say "glfalawah" to an elbonian. alice: because it means something naughty? boss: because it isn't a word.
carol: our space division asked if you would accept the honor of being their first astronaut to mars. boss: i didn't know they had even tested it for safety yet. carol: he asked too many questions.
wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.