Bussiness Projects Comic Strips - Page 2

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137 Results for Bussiness Projects

View 11 - 20 results for bussiness projects comic strips. Discover the best "Bussiness Projects" comics from Dilbert.com.

No Update Needed

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No Update Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, assignment, face mask, managers & supervisors, project, robot, sarcasm, technology, update

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asok: would you like an update on my project? boss: no, not really. i only give you the projects i don't care about. asok: i just lost my will to live. boss: that is exactly why i plan to replace you with a robot.

Knowing What Wally Does

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Knowing What Wally Does - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, performance, review, job, projects, expectations, heuristics

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boss: i can't give you a good performance review because you haven't performed up to expectations. wally: do you even know what my job is? boss: of course i do. you're an engineer. wally: yes, but do you know what projects i'm working on? boss: well, various things, and some miscellaneous things too. wally: how can you determine my job performance when you don't know what my job is? boss: have you heard of heuristics? you're bad at everything i've observed, so i assume you are bad at everything else as well. wally: you should have started with that.

Juggling 17 Balls

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Juggling 17 Balls - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags comparison, criticism, employees, office workers, overwhelmed, juggle

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Alice: I have too many projects. Boss: Pfft! If a juggler can juggle five balls at once, you can handle seventeen projects. Alice: But...no juggler can juggle seventeen balls at once. Boss: Not the lazy ones.

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. - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, criticism, managers & supervisors, office workers, sabotage

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Boss: My new employee is doing such great work that he makes the rest of you look like chimpanzees. I think you know what you need to do. Wally: Sabotage all of his projects. Boss: Try to do it before he takes my job.

Poor Communication Skills

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Poor Communication Skills - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags communication, employees, office, office workers, questions, projects

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Man: Would you like to be on my project team? Dilbert: Hard pass. Your communication skills are so poor that the project is doomed to failure. Man: I meant to say your boss already assigned you to my project. Dilbert: We're off to a good start.

Zombie Projects

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Zombie Projects - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, zombie, sloth, fail, salary

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the boss: wally, i'm putting you in charge of all the zombie projects that refuse to die. the boss: i'm counting on your sloth and incompetence to finish them off, so management feels comfortable finally canceling them. the boss: as of today, i'm paying you to fail. wally: actually, this is just the first time you're aware of it.

Wally And His Priorities

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Wally And His Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meetings, office, office workers, sarcasm

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the boss: wally, can you attend a meeting at 10 am tomorrow? wally: sure. here's a list of my projects so you can tell me which one you want to fail while i'm wasting my time at your meeting. the boss: was there a chance one of them would succeed? wally: well played

Helping Ted

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Helping Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineering, frustration, help, office, office workers

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Boss: I need you to help Ted on his project. He seems to be struggling. Dilbert: That would doom two projects - mine would suffer from neglect, and Ted would re-bungle anything I fix. Boss: Maybe Ted can help you on your project. Dilbert: Gaaaaa!!!

Boss Has A Vision For The Company

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Boss Has A Vision For The Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, office workers, sarcasm, listen

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Boss: And that's my vision for the company. Dilbert: All you did was list the projects we are already working on while making it sound like astrology. Boss: In my defense, I didn't think any of you were listening.

Award For Cutting Costs

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Award For Cutting Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo, award, cutting, costs, department, underfunded, losers, awards, help

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CEO: I am proud to give you this award for cutting costs more than any other department. Dilbert: All of our projects failed because they are underfunded. CEO: How do you put up with these losers? The Boss: The awards help.