Client Specs Comic Strips - Page 2

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67 Results for Client Specs

View 11 - 20 results for client specs comic strips. Discover the best "Client Specs" comics from Dilbert.com.

Charging Client For Thinking

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Charging Client For Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thinking, #engineers, #time, #worth, #meetings, #billing, #money, #cost

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Boss: The client says you billed them for all the time you spent thinking about their project. Dilbert: I'm an engineer. Thinking is what I do. Should I think less? Boss: Maybe you could meet with someone while you think. Dilbert: How's that working right now?

Dilbert Times His Nods

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Dilbert Times His Nods - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #candor, #lying, #deception, #sales, #sales personnel, #ethics, #business

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Client: Why does your engineer keep nodding? Dilbert: I don't like to lie, so I just nod while he times his lies to my nods. You were totally right about them hating candor.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #absent mindedness, #frustration, #design, #specs, #deadlines, #schedule, #incompetence

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Coworker: Did you finish the design according to my specs? Dilbert: Yep. Coworker: Hypothetically, if I had forgotten to mention several features, would that be a problem? And let's say the deadline is still the same. Dilbert: No problem. I always plan my schedule around your incompetence.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coders, #email, #meetings, #relevance, #spam filter, #wireframe, #wise counsel

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Based on a true story Coworker: I completed the wireframe and passed it off to our coders. Dilbert: That's great. Did you incorporate all of my specs? Coworker: I didn't see any specs from you. Maybe my spam filter ate your email. Dilbert: No problem. I'll resend them and you can start from scratch. Coworker: Yes, I certainly could do that. Or I could ignore your input, enjoy my deep feeling of accomplishment and hope for the best. Wally: That sounds easier. Coworker: I accept your wise counsel, Wally. I guess your search for relevance marches on.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hobo outfit, #client meeting, #dress level, #client, #dress casual, #fudge stain

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Alice: What's up with the hobo outfit? Dilbert: I have a client meeting. You should always dress one level up from the client. He dresses casually to flaunt his success, so I'm dressing even more casually. Alice: Wow. You actually don't know which direction is up. Dilbert: This stain is fudge.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassment, #internet & world wide web, #website, #moradc, #nicknames, #client satisfactions surveys, #group monitors, #technology

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Mordac: Ted, the I.S. group monitors every website you visit. Based on that information, we came up with a list of nicknames for you. My job got a lot more fun after we stopped doing the client satisfaction surveys. Mordac

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #question, #nonsense, #optimize, #value stream, #surprise, #talk, #listening

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Wally says, "Are you leveraging our resources to optimize the client value stream?" Asok says, "What?" Wally says, "I'm just messing with you? Nothing I say in meetings actually means anything." Asok says, "Then why do you talk?" Wally says, "I tried listening once. It was awful."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stern, #client specs, #lion pecs, #angry, #yell, #question, #mishear, #avoid work, #lazy

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Coworker says, "Wally, did you review the client's specs like I asked you to?" Wally says, "What?!" Wally says, "I thought you asked me to 'preview the lion's pecs.'" Coworker says, "Why would I ask you to preview a lion's pecs?!!" Wally says, "So... now you want me to question everything you say?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eat donut, #doughnut, #feng shui, #workflow energy, #project, #stack of papers, #design specs, #angry, #superstition, #science

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Wally says, "It's good Feng Shui to stand next to you because you absorb the workflow energy." Alice says, "What?" The Boss says, "I need someone to check all of these design specs before tomorrow morning." Wally says, "Some people call it superstition, but I'm pretty sure it's a science."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #meeting, #work, #admitting, #angry, #steaming, #lazy, #business

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Wally says, "I did no work this week because I judged the user's specifications to be inadequate." Wally says, "Should I continue to do nothing or do you prefer I use incomplete specs to produce useless designs?" Wally says, "The next thing you hear is something called leadership."