Compensation Plan Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

547 Results for Compensation Plan

View 11 - 20 results for compensation plan comic strips. Discover the best "Compensation Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

Three Dogberts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Three Dogberts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #Dogbert, #marketing, #plan, #clone, #singularity, #event, #book

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert on desk with three dogberts behind him: i've got three dogberts working on your marketing plan, but even that isn't enough. i'd bump it up to five dogcarts, but then we risk creating a singularity event. boss: i don't get it. dogbert: read a book.

I Will Send You A List

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
I Will Send You A List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #target, #complicated, #detail, #list

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: and i plan to meet my targets by doing a variety of complicated things. boss: what kind of things? wally: i'll send you a detailed list. boss: what if you forget to send it? wally: with any luck, you'll forget you asked for it.

Hiring Morons And Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Morons And Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #labor, #market, #hire, #moron, #position, #ted talk, #video, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the labor market is so tight that i had to hire a moron just to fill a position. my plan is to make him watch ted talk videos until he smartens up. dilbert: how many will it take? boss: with any luck, fifteen to seventeen will get it done.

Email Versus Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Email Versus Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #meeting, #email, #hugs, #e-card, #co-workers

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: is there anything you plan to do in this meeting that we couldn't have done more easily by email. alice, boss & dilbert sitting at table saying nothing. boss: hugs? dilbert: send me an e-card.

Let Me Know If You Need Help

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Let Me Know If You Need Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #teamwork, #help, #work, #awkward

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: if you need an help at all, just let me know. employee: i need a lot of help. be here at 8 am and plan to work late. dilbert: this is awkward, but i didn't mean a word of what i said.

Alice Would Complain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Would Complain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complain, #managers & supervisors, #assignment, #business, #technology, #problem, #solve

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i was going to give this assignment to alice, but i know she would complain about it. dilbert reading paper: i don't want it either. boss: do you plan to complain about it later? dilbert: not to your face. boss: problem solved.

Mind Reader

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mind Reader - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #plan, #sabotage, #mind reader, #success, #apology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i don't think your plan will work. employee: pffft. of course you don't. you are trying to sabotage me because you are jealous of my success. dilbert: you read minds as well as you make plans. employee: apology accepted.

Help Me With Something

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Help Me With Something - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #compensation, #system, #incentive, #budget, #limit, #smart, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

male office worker: can you help me with something? dilbert: no, our employee compensation system incentivizes me to let you fail so i can lay claim to a larger share of our limited budget for raises. maybe you could ask someone who is less aware. office worker: none of them are smart enough to help.

Project Update

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Project Update - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #project, #update, #plan, #read, #imaginary

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: did you send me your project update? dilbert: were you planning to read it? boss: no dilbert: then i totally sent it too you boss thinking: half of my job is imaginary

Performance Versus Pay

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Performance Versus Pay - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angry, #big business, #employees, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #money, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a bonus this year because we paid too much to buy another company. Dilbert: Are you saying my efforts and my rewards are no longer linked? Boss: Noooo. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying your compensation isn't influenced by your performance. Dilbert: That's the same thing! Boss: Teamwork means we all share the rewards and we all have to share the pain. Dilbert: Does that mean management won't be getting bonuses either? Boss: Now you've made it awkward.