Corporate Vice Presdient Comic Strips - Page 2
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161 Results for Corporate Vice Presdient
View 11 - 20 results for corporate vice presdient comic strips. Discover the best "Corporate Vice Presdient" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday December 30,
2017
The Problem Is Humans
Tags culture, consultant, human nature, company culture, business
Transcript
Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.
Monday November 06,
2017
Suboptimal Barry Dingle
Tags annoyance, open-door policy, corporate culture, pest
Transcript
Barry: Hi, I'm Barry Dingle. I hang around your office door and ask you questions every time you get off the phone. Boss: I hate that. Barry: You can blame your open-door policy for all of it. Boss: This is sub-optimal.
Wednesday August 30,
2017
Blamecatcher
Wednesday July 19,
2017
Internal Rules Versus Good Code
Tags technology, coding, engineers, logic, corporate, bureaucracy
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!
Saturday June 24,
2017
No Path To Success
Tags collusion, russia, donald trump, blame, accusation, public opinion
Transcript
Alice: I hear you're a corporate spy for our Elbonian competitors. Dilbert: No, that was an unfounded rumor. Alice: That's exactly what guilty people say. Dilbert: I'm not seeing my path to success here.
Friday March 10,
2017
Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar
Tags politeness, conversation, etiquette, efficiency, illogical
Transcript
Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar. Today you will learn how to sacrifice your productivity and your happiness for the sake of ancient traditions grounded in total nonsense.Voice: Why would we want to do that? Dogbert: Please hold your impolite questions until never.
Friday October 23,
2015
Stress Typo On Website
Tags health, wellness, corporate policy, stress, medical leave, laziness, loophole, typo, mistake, work ethic
Transcript
CEO: How many employees did you say took paid medical leave? Catbert: All of them. A typo on our wellness website listed stress as an illness instead of a cause of illness. CEO: Is it too late to backpedal on the wellness thing? Catbert: I'll just fix the typo. It's all good.
Friday October 16,
2015
Dilbert Aligns His Goals
Tags work, happiness, balance, job, contentment, goal, opposition, oppose, business, psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm concerned that my personal goals do not align with our corporate strategy. For example, I would like to be happy. What does the company want? Boss: Well, nothing along those lines.
Thursday March 19,
2015
Asok Applies To Be Wally's Lackey
Tags assistant, caffeine, coffee, croney, lackey, Promotion, vice president, upper body strength
Transcript
Asok: Now that you are a vice president, may I apply to be your lackey? Wally: If I'm being honest, Asok, I need someone with more upper body strength to carry my coffee all day. Asok: Then I said, "A Vice President's coffee can't be that heavy."
Wednesday March 18,
2015
Wall The Company Taint
Tags Promotion, manager, taint, success
Transcript
Wally: You're looking at the new vice president of zombie projects. The projects that will neither succeed nor be canceled are transferred to me so the other VP's avoid their taint. Alice: I guess that makes you the company's taint. Wally: I wear that label proudly.