Dark Fast Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

131 Results for Dark Fast

View 11 - 20 results for dark fast comic strips. Discover the best "Dark Fast" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #google, #data center, #software, #fix, #agile

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I put together a plan for our data center project. The Boss: We don't need a plan we're an agile company. It's better to move fast and fix our mistakes as we go. Dilbert: You're thinking of software. Where the cost of mistakes is low, this is a construction project. The Boss: That data center will be full of software, will it not? Dilbert: Yes, but... The Boss: Don't be afraid of change. Dilbert: What if I rapidly make a plan and tell you I didn't? Is that agile enough for you? The Boss: I'll need to google that.

Estimate Of Timeline

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Estimate Of Timeline - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deadline, #goals, #ultimatum

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!

Management Fast Track

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Management Fast Track - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #talent, #management, #potential, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, our CEO asked me to put you on the management fast track. Dilbert: Why does he hate me so much? Boss: He didn't say, but I have a lot of guesses if you want to hear them.

Strategy Document

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Strategy Document - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strategy, #obliviousness, #insult

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I saw your email about destroying the company. Boss: Huh? The only email I sent you was my strategy for the coming year. Dilbert: Well, maybe I read it too fast.

Internet Wants Ceo To Die

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Internet Wants Ceo To Die - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #shame, #unpopular, #popularity, #public relations, #gawker

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The company we acquired is making us look bad. Dilbert: How bad? CEO: The internet is demanding that I drink poison and apologize to the world while I die. What should I do? Dilbert: Well, I'm no doctor, but I'd go with something fast-acting.

Boss Asks Alice To Mentor At School

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Asks Alice To Mentor At School - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gender, #misogyny, #Women, #feminist, #mentor, #tutor, #assumption, #feminism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My kid's school is looking for someone to mentor girls interested in stem careers. Alice: Are you asking me to do that because I'm a woman? Would you ask a man to do that? Boss: This went bad fast. Alice: Tell Wally to do it. He's not busy.

Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #singularity, #machines, #robot, #technology, #control, #power, #intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Did you teach the robot how to program? Dilbert: I did. He's a fast learner. Alice: Have you heard of something called the singularity? Dilbert: Yes. Why do you... Is it too late to say I wasn't involved?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #facebook, #twitter, #pinterest, #instagram, #obliviousness, #technology, #communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you have a minute to answer a quick question about social media? Dilbert: I don't have time... Boss: Real quick. One question. Dilbert: Okay, but make it fast, please. I'm late for my meeting. Boss: Okay, the question is this... Can I Instagram a tweet right to Facebook... or does liking something I also favorited automatically pin it to my followers? Dilbert: I'm going to say yes and go to my meeting. Boss: I probably should have asked some follow-ups.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #project, #behind schedule, #dark fast, #death, #die, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your project is behind schedule. Is there any to finish sooner? Alice: Well, in the long run, we all die, so you could die right now and get to your endpoint faster. Boss: You went dark fast. Alice: I had that one in the hopper.