Don't Shoot Messenger Comic Strips - Page 2
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1000 Results for Don't Shoot Messenger
View 11 - 20 results for don't shoot messenger comic strips. Discover the best "Don't Shoot Messenger" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday May 08,
2021
Work From Home Or Office
Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #office, #work from home, #home, #quit, #shoot, #dead, #mistake, #happiness
Transcript
boss on video call. boss: how many of you would prefer going back to work in the office instead of working at home? voices from laptop: i'd rather be dead. i quit. shoot me. boss walking in living room thinking: i knew it was a mistake to let them taste happiness.
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Thursday April 29,
2021
Shaking Hands
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #invent, #Alternative, #handshake, #high-five, #month, #coffee
Transcript
boss: i've invented an alternative to shaking hands. you raise one hand up like the start of a high-five and stop. what do you think? dilbert: why don't you try it for a month and tell me how it goes?
Sunday April 25,
2021
Dilbert Interrupts Women
Tags #business, #discrimination, #office workers, #interrupt, #woman, #sense, #nincompoop, #babble, #pattern
Transcript
tina: dilbert is always interrupting me because i'm a woman. how do you deal with it when he interrupts you? alice: he doesn't interrupt me. tina: that makes no sense. he interrupts me because i'm a woman, and you're a woman...so... alice: maybe he doesn't interrupt me because i make sense when i talk. whereas you're more of a babbling nincompoop and a notorious ruiner of meetings. tina: well, i certainly don't know where you... alice: let's head back now. tina: you interrupted me! alice: try to spot the pattern.
Wednesday April 21,
2021
Wally Takes A Sick Day
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #video call, #laptop, #sick day, #work, #unwell, #sick, #work from home, #coffee, #lazy
Transcript
boss and wally on video call. wally: i'm not feeling well, so i'm going to take the day off from work. boss: you work at home. and you'll be just as sick whether you work or not, so why not work? wally: i don't know if you know this about me, but i don't like working.
Tuesday April 20,
2021
Zooming Right
Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #video call, #adjustments, #camera, #nose, #lighting, #lightbulb, #beard, #audio, #idea, #rude, #laptop
Transcript
alice: can you adjust your camera so i'm not looking up your nose? okay, now can you adjust your lighting so you don't look like a lightbulb with a beard? voice from laptop: how's my audio? alice: it's as good as your ideas.
Friday April 09,
2021
Zoom Team Building
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #team, #building, #session, #zoom, #drink, #heavy, #home, #absurd, #gift, #purchase, #laptop, #video call
Transcript
boss: on friday we'll be having a team building session on zoom. you are welcome to drink heavily because you will already be home. dilbert: i don't know how that could be more absurd. boss: and buy a gift for yourself.
Wednesday April 07,
2021
Title Promotion
Tags #business, #technology, #recognition, #outstanding, #work, #pandemic, #title, #Promotion, #stupid, #raise, #ungrateful, #engineer
Transcript
boss: dilbert, in recognition of your outstanding work during the pandemic, i'm giving you a promotion. dilbert: i don't want a stupid title. i want a raise. what's my new title? boss's voice through phone: "ungrateful engineer."
Tuesday April 06,
2021
Dlbert Prefers The Pandemic
Tags #health & safety, #pandemic, #end, #meet, #new, #people, #focus, #friends, #prefer
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert on a walk. dilbert: i don't want the pandemic to end because i kind of prefer not meeting new people. dogbert: don't focus on the end of the pandemic. maybe it's really about the friends you didn't make along the way.
Friday April 02,
2021
Dogbert Makes A Deal
Tags #business, #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #subordinates, #behavior, #accusation, #press, #douse, #gasoline, #fire, #deal, #fairness, #negotiators
Transcript
dogbert: i made a deal with all of the subordinates who accused you of inappropriate behavior. they will stop talking to the press if you agree to let them douse you with gasoline and set you on fire. ceo: that's the best deal you could get me? dogbert: in all fairness, they are great negotiators, and i don't like you.
Monday March 29,
2021
Ceo Is Accused
Tags #business, #complaint, #managers & supervisors, #subordinate, #accuse, #inappropriate, #crime, #hug, #defense, #legal
Transcript
catbert: seventy-three subordinates are accusing you of inappropriate behavior. ceo: i don't see what's so "inappropriate" about threatening to ruin a subordinate's career unless i get a hug. catbert: you know that's a crime, right? ceo: maybe i shouldn't handle my own defense.