Feel Like Progress Comic Strips - Page 2
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1000 Results for Feel Like Progress
View 11 - 20 results for feel like progress comic strips. Discover the best "Feel Like Progress" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday August 25,
2019
Wally Writes Fiction
Tags #budget, #business, #managers & supervisors
Transcript
wally: i decided to try my hand at writing fiction. i like writing fiction because it doesn't require any research. i can literally make up a story out of nothing. i feel sorry for nonfiction writers. they have to get the facts right. but a fiction writer only has to use imagination. i can make any wild assumptions about the future that i want. boss: i asked you here to talk about your budget forecast. wally: that's what i was talking about.
Monday August 19,
2019
Wally Is New Pet Employee
Tags #boss, #business ethics, #criticism, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work ethic
Transcript
Boss: I"m looking for a new pet employee. The ideal candidate would be a brown-nosing tattler with no ethical core. Wally: That sounds like a brilliant idea, even though Dilbert says you are a moron. Boss: You got the job.
Saturday August 17,
2019
Tags #apple, #criticism, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #steve jobs, #work
Transcript
Boss: I've decided to be more like Steve Jobs. I want all of you to work day and night or else I will humiliate you in front of your peers. Dilbert: I quit. Alice: I quit. Boss: Would it work better if I wore a black shirt?
Wednesday August 14,
2019
Bad Analogy Guy Fits In
Tags #employees, #insults, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm
Transcript
Man: Hi. I'm the bad analogy guy. I can't tell the difference between thinking and simply being reminded of unrelated things. Wally: You'll fit in well here. Man: You dress like a liar.
Sunday August 11,
2019
New Cubicles
Transcript
boss: are you enjoying your new cubicles? alice: my old cubicle had a window view. my new cubicle is in a windowless room with gray walls. it's always too cold, and i'm surrounded by noisy people i dislike. i feel anxious, unhealthy, and depressed all day long. thanks to the office relocation, my life has become a rapid descent into madness. boss: on the plus side, we saved five precent in rent. no one ever likes to hear about the plus side.
Friday August 09,
2019
Working From Home
Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #telecommute
Transcript
Dilbert: I'd like to work from home so I can be more productive. Boss: I can't manage you as easily when you're out of the office. Dilbert: That's why I'd be more productive. Boss: But you'd be missing out on all of this.
Thursday August 08,
2019
Poor Communication Skills
Tags #communication, #employees, #office, #office workers, #questions, #projects
Transcript
Man: Would you like to be on my project team? Dilbert: Hard pass. Your communication skills are so poor that the project is doomed to failure. Man: I meant to say your boss already assigned you to my project. Dilbert: We're off to a good start.
Tuesday August 06,
2019
Wally Cares For Elbonian Baby
Tags #babies, #excuses, #misunderstanding, #office workers, #Parenting, #work, #adoption, #negligence
Transcript
Carol: How's it working out with the Elbonian baby you adopted? Wally: Great! Now I have lots of excuses for missing work, and I still look like a saint. Carol: What kind of daycare are you using? Wally: I just sprinkle cheerios on the floor and lock the door.
Monday July 29,
2019
Can't Succeed Within The Rules
Tags #business, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #rules, #success
Transcript
dilbert: if i follow all of our internal rules, my project will fail because of delays. and if i don't follow the rules, you will fire me. what should i do? boss: i like the option where the project is a success but you're a failure.
Friday July 26,
2019
Thanking Everyone By Name
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #name
Transcript
boss: i'd like to thank each member of the team by name...i'll start with what's-his-face here. voice from crowd: it's dilbert. boss: no, that's not it. you look like steve.