Give Away Prodcut Comic Strips - Page 2
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dilbert looking at laptop on video conference voice from laptop: let me share my screen and i'll...uh-oh. oops. not that screen. don't judge me! how do i make it go away?!!! gaaa!!! i can't take the embarrassment! i quit! Dogbert and dilbert in another room dogbert: how was your zoom call? dilbert: best one ever.
boss: later i have a meeting about blockchain and i don't understand anything about it. i'll be wearing this earpiece, and i want you to feed me smart lines. dilbert at home talking to dogbert: do you want to do something evil? dogbert: say no more. give me that.
dilbert: as you instructed, i refused to give in to our biggest customer's demands and they canceled all of their orders. boss: i didn't tell you to do that, you fool! dilbert: you told me to do exactly that. boss: i never told you to lose our biggest customer! dilbert: you told me to refuse their demands. boss: but i didn't tell you to lose the customer! dilbert yelling: it's the same thing!!! boss: the important thing here is that it's your fault. Dilbert yelling: i get it!!!
asok: would you like an update on my project? boss: no, not really. i only give you the projects i don't care about. asok: i just lost my will to live. boss: that is exactly why i plan to replace you with a robot.
alice: i've noticed that none of my critics are intelligent. smart people always seem to agree with me. dilbert: what makes you think they are smart? alice: because they agree with me. i have to give you a maskless "duh" for that. alice pulls off face mask: duh!
tina: i'll be in your neighborhood saturday, maybe i'll stop by. dilbert: i'm not falling for that trick. tina: what trick? dilbert: the trick where you give me an estimated time and then push it back seven times until you cancel. i'll be stuck waiting at home until my whole day is wasted. tina: i promise i won't do that. i'll stick to the time. dilbert: what time is that? tina: depends how my day goes. dilbert thinking: and so it begins. tina: i'll text you if i'm running late.
dilbert: i think you're wrong. co-worker: what error did i make? dilbert: i'm basing my decision on your entire career of being wrong about everything. i hope i'm not the first person to point that out. co-worker: give a minute to reassess my entire life.
Carol: you should see a therapist about your narcissism. dilbert: if i'm happy and you're unhappy, doesn't that mean you should see a therapist and i should stay the way i am? carol: no, that's totally wrong, but give me a minute to come up with a reason.
co-worker: can i give you some helpful advice? dilbert: judging by the quality of your life, i'd say you probably can't. co-worker: leave my personal life out of it. dilbert: okay, let's talk about the putrid quality of your work.