Head Count Vacancy Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

623 Results for Head Count Vacancy

View 11 - 20 results for head count vacancy comic strips. Discover the best "Head Count Vacancy" comics from Dilbert.com.

Head Banging Outcome

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Head Banging Outcome  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, frustration, office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: What happened to your head? Dilbert: I've been banging it against a wall to reduce my frustration with my co-workers. Wally: Is it working? Dilbert: I think so because I don't remember your name.

Read The Manual

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Read The Manual - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, employees, frustrated, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We need to fix our user interface because half of our users can't figure it out. Boss: Tell them to read the manual. Dilbert: That's not how you fix a bad user interface. Boss: Then why do manuals exist? Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be banging my head against a wall.

The New Consultant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The New Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, success

View Transcript

Transcript

the new consultant: i'll need the support of every department to make this project a success. boss: i won't get any credit if your project succeeds, and you'll be gone in a month. consultant: can i count on you to not sabotage the project? boss: you're coming off as needy.

Complaints About Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Complaints About Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, complaint, office, office workers, productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: wally, i received 43 complaints that you have been clipping your toenails in the office. the boss: you have single-handedly destroyed all productivity on the floor. wally: in my defense, it takes two hands if you count the one holding the toe.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, man, criticizing, face, head, arrogance, toxic, personality, garbage, plague, legs, truth, power, behind, back

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I heard you were criticizing me behind my back. Try saying those things to my face! Dilbert: Okay. You're a hot-headed know-nothing who uses his arrogance to mask his total lack of talent. You ruin every meeting with your toxic personality. Every project you touch turns to garbage you're like a plague with legs. Man: Okay... That was harsh, but I respect you for speaking truth to power. Dilbert: You don't have any power. Man: Maybe it's better if you talk behind my back.

Coffee Machine Tries To Escape

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coffee Machine Tries To Escape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, coffee machine, artificial intelligence, robots, engineering, scared

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hot peppers, competition, burned, unedible, face burned, fire, group, face burn, head, flame

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper Dilbert: I tried a Habanero pepper last night, It almost burned off my face. Ted: Thats Nothing. I can eat the hottest peppers in the world and not even break a sweat. Dilbert: Im glad you said that, because I have with me the hottest peppers in the world. Ted: Pfft. easy. Gulp. FOOM! Dilbert: Will you admit you were wrong? Ted: You don't see any sweat , do you?

Boss Counts Cards

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Counts Cards  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gambling, gambler, card counting, blackjack, poker, cards

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've decided to become a professional gambler on the side. Dilbert: Sounds risky. Boss: Nah. I'm teaching myself to count cards. 50...51...51...53! Nailed it again!

Listening To Your Gut

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Listening To Your Gut - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rumor, accusation, skeptic, gullible, gut instinct

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: People tell me you're underperforming. Dilbert: Did you hear it from anyone credible? Boss: No, but I know it's true because my gut tells me it's true. Dilbert: I'm curious where you stick you head to listen to your gut?

Pictures Lie

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pictures Lie  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags photos, truth, lying, deceit, photoshop, public relations, pr, appearances

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The public doesn't believe I really helped serve food at the homeless shelter. Dogbert: Tell them pictures don't lie. CEO: Pictures lie all the time. In fact, that's the best way to lie. Dogbert: Keep that insight to yourself. CEO: I have a full head of hair on Tinder.