Help Alice Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Help Alice

View 11 - 20 results for help alice comic strips. Discover the best "Help Alice" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Compliments Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Compliments Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #comparison, #project, #job, #great, #dread, #foreboding, #generous, #trap, #lull, #sabotage, #career, #monster

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: you did a great job on your project ted. ted: thank you. alice: you are most welcome. ted: wait. why do i have a sense of dread and foreboding? it isn't like you to give out generous compliments. this feels like a trap. you're lulling me into a false sense of security. you plan to sabotage my career to make yourself look better by comparison. ted yelling: you monster! boss: what's this all about? alice thinking: that worked out.

Industry Trends

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Industry Trends - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #industry, #trend, #luck, #act, #fast, #change, #increase, #profits, #advantage, #future, #bogus, #training, #program, #company

View Transcript

Transcript

in board room. boss: industry trends just turned our way by total luck. we have to act fast! i need to implement some kind of change so it looks as if i caused the increase in profits that will happen anyway. does anyone have any ideas? dilbert: no, because we're already perfectly situated to take advantage of the trend. boss upset: that doesn't help me! i can't take credit for our future profits unless i do something i can say made a difference. dilbert: maybe you could implement some sort of bogus company culture training program. one week later. dogbert presenting on a stage: it's important to realize you're all idiots.

Dogbert Is Doctor Of Impossible

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Is Doctor Of Impossible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boring, #business, #cure, #diseases, #doctor, #fail, #headache, #ice-cold bath, #impossible, #improvement, #medical, #prescribe, #sarcasm, #treatments, #health and wellnes

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i'm dogbert, doctor of the impossible. boss: does that mean you cure diseases that are believed to be impossible to cure? dogbert: no, that sounds boring. i prescribe treatments that are impossible to follow. when you fail you don't get better. you'll think it's your own fault. boss: how does that help anyone but you? dogbert: hey, i'm not the one who brought it up. boss: you're giving me a headache. dogbert: to cure that, i suggest ice-cold baths every six minutes.

Alice Needs A Snack

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Needs A Snack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decision, #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #break, #hungry, #snack

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i'm too hungry to make good decisions. i need a break so i can eat a snack. boss: how do you know your decisions are bad? alice: i'm starting to agree with you. boss: i don't understand. alice is gone: exactly

Everyone Is An Idiot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everyone Is An Idiot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #world, #idiot, #serious

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: sometimes, asok, i think everyone in the world is an idiot except for you and me. asok: i can't tell if you are serious. alice: i guess it's down to just me.

Incoming Message

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Incoming Message - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distraction, #technology, #business, #text, #message, #phone, #respond

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: ...so what we need to do... phone on table: ding dilbert: okay, now you're only pretending to listen to me because your mind is on that incoming text message. would you like to look at it and respond? alice: only if you don't think you can wrap this up in fifteen seconds or so.

Increasing Training Budget

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Increasing Training Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #budget, #training, #research & development, #company, #bankrupt

View Transcript

Transcript

boss to tina: i'm planning to increase the budget for training by fifty percent next year. tina to dilbert: he didn't say anything about the other budgets. dilbert to wally: he didn't say anything about the budget for research and development. wally to alice: sounds like he's phasing out research and development. alice to asok: he wouldn't phase out research and development unless he knows the company is failing. asok to carol: the company must be going bankrupt. carol to boss: the company is bankrupt. boss thinking: i guess i don't need to increase the training budget.

Important Context

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Important Context - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #communication, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #question, #answer, #context, #rude, #interrupt

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: why are you looking at your phone while i'm answering your question? dilbert: because our answer has nothing to do with my question, but i didn't want to be rude and interrupt you. alice: i'm giving important context. dilbert: text me when that part is done.

Alice Is Honest

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Is Honest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #goals, #quarter, #unrealistic, #honest

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: alice, you did not meet your goals this quarter. alice: that's because my goals are totally unrealistic and were created by a.moron. i hope you meant it when you said you want us to be honest with you. boss: i didn't expect you to act on it!

Trust Coworkers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Trust Coworkers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #trust, #pretend, #different

View Transcript

Transcript

in office building boss: okay, team. we can get this done if we trust each other. alice: that's not a thing. dilbert: i don't trust any of you. boss: maybe we can pretend. dilbert: i'd need to pretend we're different people.