Heres Card Comic Strips - Page 2

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279 Results for Heres Card

View 11 - 20 results for heres card comic strips. Discover the best "Heres Card" comics from Dilbert.com.

Elbonian Cabbage Juggling

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Elbonian Cabbage Juggling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags offense, offensive, racist, racism

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Dilbert: Here's my first cut at a sales video for our Elbonian market segment. Video: If you enjoy juggling cabbages while overdrinking, you'll love our products! Boss: This sounds kind of racist. Dilbert: Inebriated cabbage-juggling is their national sport.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, deceit, contract, cost, money

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Man: Here's my invoice for the extras. Dilbert: The invoice we already paid covered everything in the contract. Man: That only covered the costs I quoted with intentional clarity. There are other costs that I might have mentioned in the long and rambling explanation that was intentionally ambiguous. Dilbert: "Might have??" I'm sure you did not. Man: Sounds like your word against mine. Dilbert: And even if you did mention it, you just said it was intentionally ambiguous!!! Man: I don't think you want to tell your boss you're a bad listener. Boss: I thought we already paid this vendor. Dilbert: Did you forget all the extras I told you about?

Dilbert Is Misinterpreted

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Dilbert Is Misinterpreted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags assume, assumption, proof, obstinacy

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Alice: Is it true you are telling everyone the new product road map is stupid? Dilbert: Um... nothing remotely like that has ever happened. Here's an email in which I say how good it is. Alice: You hesitated in your answer. That means you're lying. Dilbert: Read the email!!!

Tracking Employee Theft

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Tracking Employee Theft - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, data, information, spying, privacy

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Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags birthday, cake, card or goft, collect money, collection, leave work early, boss birthday

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Carol: I need to go home early today. Can you collect money for our boss's birthday gift? Carol: I wouldn't ask you don to it, but his birthday is tomorrow. Dilbert: um...okay. Carol: and could you also order a cake? You'll also need a card and a gift. Dilbert: This got a lot harder than I thought it.... Carol: Thanks! Bye! Dilbert: Tomorrow is our Boss's Birthday and I need to leave for early today, so... Alice: Nice try.

Boss Counts Cards

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Boss Counts Cards  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gambling, gambler, card counting, blackjack, poker, cards

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Boss: I've decided to become a professional gambler on the side. Dilbert: Sounds risky. Boss: Nah. I'm teaching myself to count cards. 50...51...51...53! Nailed it again!

Worthless Financial Projections

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Worthless Financial Projections - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, finances, big business, projection, prediction, guessing, estimate

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Dilbert: Here's the financial projection you asked me to do. It's basically just guessing plus math. Obviously, it's useless for making decisions because I can get any result I want by tweaking the assumptions. Boss: Don't say any of that stuff when you present it to the board tomorrow.

Wally Works On Stealth Clothing

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Wally Works On Stealth Clothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags invisibility, attendance, deception, laziness

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Boss: We won a bid to design stealth clothing for the military. Wally: Ooh! Ooh! I volunteer to work on that project. Boss: Um... okay. Narrator: One month later. Boss: Your attendance has been poor lately. Wally: Here's where I teach you about "reasonable doubt."

Accidental Deletion

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Accidental Deletion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, coverup, body cam, denial, deception, proof

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Dilbert: I'm glad I started wearing an employee body cam. Here's a video of you yesterday, saying the opposite of what you told me today. Boss: Oops! I accidentally deleted it. Dilbert: Luckily, I have seven hundred backups.

Wally Has A Doctor's Note

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Wally Has A Doctor's Note  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sleep, boredom, meeting, laziness, narcolepsy, health, business

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Wally: Here's a doctor's note saying I have a chronic case of meeting narcolepsy. Boss: Sit down. We need to talk about this. Wally: ZZZZZZ.