Hiring Engineers Comic Strips - Page 2
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284 Results for Hiring Engineers
View 11 - 20 results for hiring engineers comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring Engineers" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday May 04,
2019
Engineers Don't Lie
Tags #boss, #business, #office, #office workers, #ceo
Transcript
the boss: i saw dilbert talking to the ceo. i think he's trying to undermine me. catbert: engineers don't lie. the boss: that's what worries me.
Thursday March 14,
2019
Hiring Unethical Scientist
Tags #suspicious, #boss, #lawyer, #help, #search, #straightforward, #scientist, #bidding, #money
Transcript
Boss: We're looking for a scientist who can be easily influenced by money to back our product claims. Lawyer: I'm perfect for that job. I have no ethnical boundaries whatsoever. Boss: But you won't try to con us, right? Lawyer: You can't have it both ways.
Tuesday March 12,
2019
Best In The Industry
Tags #headphones, #best, #persuading, #humor, #confused, #jokes
Transcript
Dilbert: The headphones we make are the best in the industry. Man: Our marketing campaign will focus on how they cure brain tumors and raise your IQ. Dilbert: They don't do any of that. Man: This is exactly why we don't let engineers do marketing.
Wednesday January 16,
2019
Hiring A Millennial
Tags #employees, #office workers, #sarcasm, #smartphone, #generation, #millennial
Transcript
Boss: I hired a millennial who was raised by smartphones. He won't make eye contact, and we don't expect him to ever mate. Dilbert: Can he speak? Boss: Yes, but only with sarcasm.
Saturday January 05,
2019
Twizzle The Flurm
Tags #confused, #employees, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers
Transcript
Boss: The engineers think I don't understand what they do all day. Catbert: Maybe it's because you don't. Boss: You too? Wally: My project is late because I had to twizzle the flurm. Boss: Okay, that sounds right.
Friday November 02,
2018
Punishing For Others
Tags #employment, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #salary
Transcript
Boss: We've decided to level the organization. This means a slight pay cut for senior engineers such as yourself, but I hope you'll be a team player. Dilbert: Are you punishing me for the mediocrity of others? Boss: Only indirectly.
Sunday October 28,
2018
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #customer, #meeting, #engineers, #years, #disasters, #worry, #data, #centers, #blockchain
Transcript
Dilbert: Can I go with you to the customer meeting? I'm worried you might promise something we can't deliver. The Boss: Don't be ridiculous! I've been having customer meetings without engineers for years. Dilbert: I know and they all turn into disasters. The Boss: You worry too much! Everything will be fine! Man: Can you replace our data centers with blockchain? The Boss: Give us two days.
Thursday September 20,
2018
Hiring Paul The Criminal
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #job, #market, #competitive, #ex-cons, #work, #criminals, #caught, #paul, #data center, #copper, #wire
Transcript
The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.
Sunday June 10,
2018
Tags #competition, #replacement, #hiring, #job description
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.
Monday June 04,
2018
Signal To Noise Ratio
Tags #compliments, #backhanded compliment, #criticism, #engineers
Transcript
Boss: What did you think of my presentation? Dilbert: The signal-to-noise ratio was impressively low. Boss: Engineers give weird compliments.