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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #therapist, #therapy, #couch, #complaining, #turn tables, #shrink, #session, #husband, #pad.pen, #fishing for compliments, #relationships, #psychology

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Dilbert: People always try to take advantage of me. Therapist: I know what you mean. I lost five pounds and my husband didn't notice! I came home last night and he hadn't even cleaned the garage like he promised. I had to park on the street! Dilbert: Is it my imagination, or have you found a clever way to make people pay to listen to you complain? Therapist: Tell me more about how you think Im clever.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #clubs, #meetings, #rich people, #tiny flying unicron, #commodities, #1% club, #imagination, #Entertainment

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Wally: A tiny flying unicorn gave me this key. Guard: Grab a snout and a hat. We're just about to manipulate the commodities market. Wally: Is it my imagination or everything a little bit better here?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #comparing a task, #criticism, #employees, #executives, #quality is bad, #your imagination, #time, #quality, #boss, #business

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Boss: Why did this take so long? Dilbert: You're comparing a task - the likes of which has never been done - to your imagination of how long such things should take. Boss: Well then, the quality is bad. Dilbert: Compared to... ?

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Share November 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #prices, #confusing, #explain, #arms out, #piece of paper, #compete, #angry, #spank, #logical

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Dilbert says, "Is it my imagination or is your pricing intentionally confusing?" Coworker says, "It's intentionally confusing." Coworker says, "That way you can't compare our prices to our competitors' prices." Coworker says, "Our competitors do the same thing. It's called confusopoly." Coworker says, "We all get our fair share of confused customers and we don't need to lower our prices to compete." Coworker says, "We use the profits from our anti-competitive behavior to fun innovation." Coworker says, "So don't ruin a good system by trying to understand what you're buying." Dilbert says, "That almost sounds reasonable." Coworker says, "Now spank yourself and thank me!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2010's comic on:


Tags #mother, #son, #sarcastic, #plant, #flower pot, #web only company, #imagination, #Family

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Dilbert says, "My company is going to a web-only business model." Mom says, "That's terrific." Mom says, "What's phase three? Does it involve operating only in your own imagination?" Dilbert says, "Be nice." Mom says, "Maybe you can help me grow this plant back into a seed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2009's comic on:


Tags #therapist, #imagination, #prank, #lying down, #cruel, #psychology

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Dilbert says, "I worry that the bolzmann brain hypothesis is true and my reality is entirely imagined." Dilbert says, "But if I'm imagining my life, why don't I imagine better things happening to me?" Therapist thinks, "I'll probably regret this practical joke." Mmmm

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #imagination, #experince, #email, #boss, #hurts brain, #think about it, #team players, #new projects, #form of evil, #people squander it

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Asok says, "Is it my imagination or am I doing your job, plus mine?" Wally says, "That's not your imagination, Asok." Wally says, "It's a little thing I call experience." Wally says, "Once a week, I e-mail our pointy-haired boss and ask him a question." Wally says, "I make the question so complicated that it hurts his brain." The Boss says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Wally says, "He'll spend the rest of the week avoiding me so he doesn't need to think about it." Wally says, "Meanwhile he seeks out team players and hammers them with new projects." Asok says, "So... experience is a form of evil?" Wally says, "Not always. Some people squander it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #failed to accomplish.objectives, #physical impossiblities, #logical impossibilities, #unforeseen problems, #spying, #consumer fraud, #win converstaion

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The Boss says, "Why have you failed to accomplish any of your objectives this quarter?" Dilbert says, "Well, I took the objectives you gave me and put them into three categories." Dilbert says, "The first group includes physical impossibilities, such as being in two places at the same time." Dilbert says, "The second group includes logical impossibilities, such as anticipating unforeseen problems." Dilbert says, "Last, we have the illegal objectives, including industrial spying and consumer fraud." Dilbert says, "So I spend my time doing things that are both important and legal, while hoping you wouldn't fire me for it." Dilbert says, "Whoa, what just happened? Is it my imagination, or did I just win this conversation?" Dilbert says, "It was my imagination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2007's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #human resources, #scientist, #planet zorp, #technolgies, #engineers, #transfer knowledge, #work, #fabric covered container, #business, #science

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Scientist: I am a scientist from the planet Zorp. I bring you technologies beyond your imagination. All I ask is that you let me work with your engineers to transfer this knowledge. They think 'work' means sitting in a fabric-covered container.

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Share October 09, 2005's comic on:


Tags #company values, #question, #action, #results, #twice as much, #imagination, #all over the map, #soon and perfect

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Bias for Action Passion for Results "And these are our company values." "Please don't ask any questions." "Question!" "Do the results have to be good ones?" "Um...yes." "I'm not so sure. I think it would say that." "Since action and results are both important, is it okay to have bad results so long as it takes twice as much action?" "JUST DO EVERYTHING SOON AND PERFECTLY!!!" "Is it my imagination or is he all over the map on this?" "I forget what we were talking about."