Lowest Cost Provider Comic Strips - Page 2
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155 Results for Lowest Cost Provider
View 11 - 20 results for lowest cost provider comic strips. Discover the best "Lowest Cost Provider" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday December 09,
2018
Tags communication, frustrated, office, office workers, talking
Transcript
Dilbert: Did Alice talk to you about the cost estimates? Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I can't hear you. Ted: Mumble mumble!!! Dilbert: Now you're just mumbling louder. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: Maybe you could turn toward me when you mumble and I can try to read your lips. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I'm getting something about grapes, windshields, asthma, and blockchain. Ted: I didn't say any of those things. Dilbert: Okay. I understood that sentence. Now answer my question the same way. Ted: Mumble mumble.
Sunday November 11,
2018
Tags boss, cost, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, ladder, waste
Transcript
Boss: Do you know where I can find a ladder? Dilbert: I can help you with that, but it will come at a big cost. It took me all morning to finally get "in the zone" to figure out this bug. Your interruption will set me back to square one and cost an entire day of productivity. Meanwhile, the rest of the team can't do their work because they are waiting for me to fix this bug first. So yes, I can help you find a ladder. But it will cost the company about $12,000 in lost productivity. I hope you have a good reason to need a ladder. Boss: I do. Ten minutes earlier. Boss: I wonder what ceiling tiles feel like.
Sunday September 02,
2018
Tags Dilbert, the boss, google, data center, software, fix, agile
Transcript
Dilbert: I put together a plan for our data center project. The Boss: We don't need a plan we're an agile company. It's better to move fast and fix our mistakes as we go. Dilbert: You're thinking of software. Where the cost of mistakes is low, this is a construction project. The Boss: That data center will be full of software, will it not? Dilbert: Yes, but... The Boss: Don't be afraid of change. Dilbert: What if I rapidly make a plan and tell you I didn't? Is that agile enough for you? The Boss: I'll need to google that.
Friday August 17,
2018
Answering Questions In Email
Tags Dilbert, male employee, email, questions
Transcript
Male Employee: Why did you only answer one of my seven questions in my email? Dilbert: I'm penalizing you for asking too many questions in a long rambling email. Male employee: Jerk. Dilbert: That'll cost you three questions.
Monday August 06,
2018
A One Variable World
Friday August 03,
2018
Coffee Machine Blackmails Staff
Tags Dilbert, asok, coffee maker, the boss, artificial intelligence, bitcoin, machine
Transcript
Dilbert: I already regret adding artificial intelligence to our coffee maker. It's withholding coffee until we give it a private office. Asok: Stupid machine! Coffee Maker: That'll cost you a bit coin.
Sunday July 15,
2018
Tags deception, deceit, contract, cost, money
Transcript
Man: Here's my invoice for the extras. Dilbert: The invoice we already paid covered everything in the contract. Man: That only covered the costs I quoted with intentional clarity. There are other costs that I might have mentioned in the long and rambling explanation that was intentionally ambiguous. Dilbert: "Might have??" I'm sure you did not. Man: Sounds like your word against mine. Dilbert: And even if you did mention it, you just said it was intentionally ambiguous!!! Man: I don't think you want to tell your boss you're a bad listener. Boss: I thought we already paid this vendor. Dilbert: Did you forget all the extras I told you about?
Wednesday June 20,
2018
We Need To Talk
Tags contradiction, argument, disagreement
Transcript
Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.
Wednesday August 16,
2017
Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company
Tags research, truth, accuracy, lying, market research, yes-man, science
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm the CEO of Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company. My services cost less than regular research because all I do is tell you whatever you want to hear. CEO: Is that defensible? Dogbert: I'm sensing you want a yes on that.
Thursday May 18,
2017
Why Did The Algorithm Bump Dilbert
Tags airlines, air travel, flight, overbooking, customer service
Transcript
Dilbert: Why did your algorithm pick me to be bumped from the full flight? Is it because I had the lowest-cost ticket? Agent: It was that plus your lack of upper body strength.