Market Driven Comic Strips - Page 2

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151 Results for Market Driven

View 11 - 20 results for market driven comic strips. Discover the best "Market Driven" comics from Dilbert.com.

Selling Private Data

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Selling Private Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, job, management, cloud, data, people, private, information, laugh, market, sell, email, friend

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dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.

Purchasing Department

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Purchasing Department - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, purchasing, vendor, market, quote, coffee

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Purchasing Manager Bob: you need there vendor quotes, or i can't approve it. dilbert: there are only two vendors in that market. bob: come back when something changes.

Finding Qualified Engineers

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Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, interview, questions, job market, engineers, baker, mortuary, assistant

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interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

Inefficiency

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Inefficiency - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, inefficient, process, obsolete, market, technology, multidisciplinary, systems, fight, fire

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alice: our internal processes are so inefficient that we can't get products to market before they are obsolete. boss: i'll create a multidisciplinary task force to look into it. alice: you want to use an inefficient system to fix an inefficient system? boss: it's called fighting fire with fire.

Dogbert Starts A Podcast

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Dogbert Starts A Podcast - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, podcast

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dogbert: i decided to start my own podcast. dogbert: i'm crafting my content to appeal to dumb people because that's the biggest market. dilbert: how will that make the world a better place? dogbert: based on your question, you'd enjoy my podcast.

No Raise For Dilbert

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No Raise For Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, employment, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, work, salary

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Dilbert: Can I have a 25% raise to get my compensation up to market levels? Boss: No. Dilbert: Okay. I'll just work 25% less because you won't know the difference. Boss: I would know if you did that. Dilbert: Should I get back to separating the zeroes from the ones in our database?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, employment, managers & supervisors, video games

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Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?

Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People

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Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers, insults, marketing, office workers, sales, teaching, smart

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Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?

Teach Employees To Code

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Teach Employees To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, computers, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, teaching, smart

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Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.

Criminal Does Tech Support

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Criminal Does Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, market, competitive, career, criminal, internal, tech support, passwords, software, justice, fist

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Dilbert: I know the job market is highly competitive, but was it really a good idea to hire a career criminal? The Boss: Relax. He's just doing internal tech support. Paul: I'll need all of your passwords to update your software. Alice: Have you met my fist of justice?