Meets Goal Comic Strips - Page 2

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111 Results for Meets Goal

View 11 - 20 results for meets goal comic strips. Discover the best "Meets Goal" comics from Dilbert.com.

Asok's Goal

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Asok's Goal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #goals, #employment, #driver, #ride share, #rideshare, #dream, #turnover

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Asok: Is it important to have goals? Boss: Yes! You need goals to succeed. Asok: Good, because my goal is to become an Uber driver. I quit. What is your goal? Boss: Reducing employee turnover.

Asok Meets Dick

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Asok Meets Dick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mean, #jerk, #internet, #comment, #sarcasm, #forum, #social media, #technology

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Asok: Someone told me you're the guy who makes all the jerky comments on the Internet. Dick: Oh, really? Someone "told you?" Wow. Have you heard of a thing called science? Asok: It's you! Dick: I'll bet you use a dumb avatar, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #management, #strategy, #productivity, #humane, #inhumane, #treatment, #surveillance, #watching, #privacy, #work, #office workers

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Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.

Dilbert Aligns His Goals

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Dilbert Aligns His Goals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #work, #happiness, #balance, #job, #contentment, #goal, #opposition, #oppose, #business, #psychology

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Dilbert: I'm concerned that my personal goals do not align with our corporate strategy. For example, I would like to be happy. What does the company want? Boss: Well, nothing along those lines.

Attendance Strategy

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Attendance Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #deception, #attendance, #Advice, #mentor, #mentoring

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Wally: Ideally, you want to find a job that requires more attendance than work. And then you want to concoct an endless string of "reasons" you can't come to work. The ultimate goal is getting paid for being nothing but a concept. Asok: I bask in your wisdom.

Dogbert The Product Designer

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Dogbert The Product Designer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #annoy people, #frustration, #packaging, #product design, #sadism, #software, #torture, #product code, #engineering

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Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: The main goal of product design is to annoy people for no reason. We'll start by making so much extra packaging that you need to rent a truck just to haul it away. Voice: We sell software. Man: I found the product code for downloading the software!

Dilbert Meets The Mom

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Dilbert Meets The Mom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dating, #low standards, #meeting people, #parents, #mother, #efficiency, #ebola, #shake hands, #Family, #relationships

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Woman: Mom, this my date, Dilbert. He only wears tube clothes. Dilbert: For the efficiency. Whoa! Before I touch that paw, have you been to any Ebola hot spots lately? Woman: He has a job. Dilbert: My time has come!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2014's comic on:


Tags #executives, #how-to, #snobbishness, #book on success, #hard work, #wise decisions, #being lucky, #lazy and dumb

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CEO: I need you to co-author a book on success with me. The goal is to make readers believe success comes from hard work and wise decisions. So instead of hating me for being lucky, they will hate themselves for being lazy and dumb. Dogbert: And for buying your book?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #work ethic, #drink lots of coffee, #disrespect authority, #reading my goals, #before signing, #accomplish stuff, #feels good

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Boss: For some reason, your written goals for last year were "Drink lots of coffee" and "Disrespect authority." Wally: Maybe next year your goal should be something about reading my goals before you sign them. Accomplishing stuff feels good. You should try it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #frustration, #achieved golas, #secret goals, #set for you, #failed to achieve, #anger, #exact situation

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Dilbert: I'm happy to report that I achieved every goal you set for me last year. Boss: But you failed to achieve the secret goals I set for you. Dilbert: Why would you have secret goals for me?!! Boss: For this exact situation.