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View 11 - 20 results for more stock options comic strips. Discover the best "More Stock Options" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ruined The Stock Price

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Ruined The Stock Price  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #stock, #subordinate, #inappropriate, #behavior, #bonus, #money, #paper towel, #ceo, #work

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boss: our stock is down because seventy-three subordinates accused our ceo of inappropriate behavior at work. so i can't give you a bonus even though your work was excellent. co-worker's head explodes: Boom!!! Carol: how'd he take it? Boss: grab some paper towels.

Wally's Advice

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Wally's Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #audience, #business, #complain, #connection, #droopy, #emotion, #emotional intelligence, #Entertainment, #hate, #medical, #persuasive, #problems, #sad, #sarcasm, #self-deprecating, #slide deck, #spouse, #technology, #tragic, #wife

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boss: if there anything i can do to make my slide deck more persuasive? wally: you need to make an emotional connection with your audience. start with a tragic personal story that makes everyone sad and droopy. then talk about your various medical problems, and don't spare the details. then complain about your wife because most people hate their spouses too, so they can relate. and don't spare the self-deprecating humor because everyone can relate to knowing you are a loser. boss: wow. thank you for that advice. i'll make those changes. dilbert: how much do you hate him? wally: it's more about my entertainment.

Shelves Are Ugly

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Shelves Are Ugly - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #background, #attractive, #shelf, #lawn mower, #gym, #human, #decency, #rude, #laptop

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Dilbert on video call. voice from laptop: what's that behind you on the shelf? can't you make your background more attractive? dilbert: if we're being that way, who cuts your hair? your lawn mower? voice from laptop: did your gym go out of business? dilbert: i already miss our last shred of human decency.

Mask During Zoom

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Mask During Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #covid-19, #video conference, #call, #laptop, #mask, #working at home, #work, #science, #study, #deny, #video call, #virus

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dilbert in front of laptop on video conference call. voice from laptop: i'd feel more comfortable if you wore a mask for this call. dilbert: i'm working at home. i can't possibly give you a virus over a video call. voice from laptop: show me a study that proves that or else stop denying science. Dilbert: um...

Talking During Zoom Call

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Talking During Zoom Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #background, #business, #call, #competition, #stop, #technology, #video conference call, #zoom, #video call

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Dilbert yelling: dogbert! can you keep down the noise while i'm on zoom! dogbert standing on chair: i'm on a zoom call too. your call isn't more important than mine! dilbert speaking to his laptop: sorry, i can't stop the background noise. dogbert yelling from another room: can you keep it down in there? i'm on a zoom call.

Talking To Wally

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Talking To Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mental health, #office workers, #health, #alone time, #listen, #crazy, #hate, #talking, #fake, #empathy, #business, #coffee

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dilbert: dogbert doesn't believe me when i tell him i need more alone time for my mental health. wally: why would he listen to you when you're obviously crazy? dilbert: i hate talking to you. wally: should i fake more empathy.

Dogbert Gets Greenland

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Dogbert Gets Greenland - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock market, #business, #technology, #stock, #greenland, #sale, #mercenary, #army, #apple, #bitcoin

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dilbert: wow. my apple stock just went up 1.5%. dogbert: i sold all of my bitcoin to acquire greenland. dilbert: i didn't know it was for sale. dogbert: it wasn't, but luckily a mercenary army was.

Bad Qualities Cancel Out

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Bad Qualities Cancel Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #qualities, #character, #cancel, #micro-manage, #lazy, #backstabbing, #brave, #lie, #credibility, #believe, #employees, #success, #manager, #random, #sarcasm

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boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.

The Moron Option

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The Moron Option - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #corporate rule, #vendor, #accounts receivable, #30 days, #pay, #payment, #exception, #moron

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dilbert: our corporate rule is that we won't do business with any vendor who does not give us at least 30 days to pay. dilbert: but we can get the same product for half the price if we go with the vendor who wants payment immediately. should we make an obvious exception here or be morons? boss: i think you're under-valuing the moron options.

Scheduling A Call

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Scheduling A Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #video conference call, #schedule, #call, #zoom, #facetime, #signal, #whatsapp, #voice call, #clock

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boss and dilbert communicating on video conference call. dilbert: let's schedule a follow-up call. do you prefer zoom, FaceTime, signal, WhatsApp, or voice call? boss: zoom dilbert: how about next tuesday at 10 a.m. my time, which is 1 p.m. your time? boss: i'll be on the road then, so you 10 a.m. will be my noon. but that's after the time change. boss: and i can't remember if i'm going to a place that change their clocks. dilbert: why don't we skip the whole thing because the call we are scheduling probably won't be any more useful than this one. boss: let us never speak of this again.