Never Returned Call Comic Strips - Page 2

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View 11 - 20 results for never returned call comic strips. Discover the best "Never Returned Call" comics from Dilbert.com.

Smartphones Spread Viruses

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Smartphones Spread Viruses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2020's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #hygiene, #science, #contagion, #pandemic, #smartphone, #germs

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Boss: Scientists say our smartphones can spread the coronavirus. That's why I no longer answer the phone. You never know if the caller is infected. Asok: I don't think... Dilbert: Let it go.

Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support

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Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #technology, #train, #tech support, #problem, #reboot, #computer, #problem solving, #genius

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boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support. dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn. dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order. click dogbert: and he's gone. asok: genius!

Elbonian Factory Problem

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Elbonian Factory Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #report, #factory, #elbonia, #problem, #lost, #power, #main, #floor, #employees, #scared, #trip, #dark, #gas, #line, #accident, #crater, #capital, #explosion, #unsympathetic

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dilbert: we have some problems in our elbonian factory. boss: how bad? dilbert: they lost power on the main floor. boss: that's not so bad. dilbert: the employees were scared. boss: they'll get over it. dilbert: one of them tripped in the dark. boss: big deal. dilbert: he accidentally opened a gas line. boss: a little gas never hurt anyone. dilbert: now there's a crater where the capital city used to be. boss and dilbert just looking at each other boss: let's keep an eye on that.

Wally Will Be Right Back

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Wally Will Be Right Back - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #office workers, #minute, #desk, #help, #mystery

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tina: do you have a minute to help me? wally: absolutely. i'll be right back after i drop off something at my desk. tina: i'll never see you again, will i? wally: don't take the mystery out of it.

No Time Before Next Meeting

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No Time Before Next Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2020's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #care, #co-workers, #hate, #job, #lesson, #meeting, #nonesence, #procrastinate, #reality, #report, #stupid, #technical, #technology, #time

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dilbert thinking: that meeting ran long, so now i have ten minutes before the next one. i'm suppose to bring a complete technical report, and i haven't even started it. i hate this stupid job! dilbert still thinking but showing signs of distress: i hate my boss! i hate my stupid co-workers! dilbert yelling: i don't care about anything anymore! dilbert thinking and typing on laptop: i'll just angrily slap together a bunch of nonsense and call it good. grrrrrr!!! in conference room. boss: this is your bet report ever. dilbert yelling: what? dilbert at home with dogbert: today i learned a dangerous lesson about reality.

Goggles Remove Humans

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Goggles Remove Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #technology, #goggles, #human, #scenery, #alone, #noise canceling, #headphones, #interaction, #mega, #dork

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dilbert: i invented goggles that remove humans from the scenery, so one can enjoy being alone. add noice canceling headphones, and you'll never again have to experience the horror of human interaction. alice: you freakin' megadork. dilbert holding arms out: mmmm, bliss.

Mandatory Blockchain Class

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Mandatory Blockchain Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #class, #mandatory, #blockchain, #introductory, #experienced, #developer, #instructor, #phone call

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boss: you haven't completed the mandatory class on blockchain. dilbert: that's an introductory class. i'm already an experienced blockchain developer. boss: the class is mandatory. every developer needs to check the box. dilbert: just check the box for me. boss: only the instructor can do that. and i don't want to call him because he rambles on and on. dilbert looking distressed: you want me to take a two-day class so you won't have to make a phone call? boss: i knew you'd understand. dilbert: what if taking the class causes me to miss my deadlines? boss: no problem. i'll just cancel your bonus.

Ghosts Use Bitcoin

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Ghosts Use Bitcoin - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #money, #die, #ghost, #password, #bitcoin, #clothes

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boss drinking coffee: they say you can't take your money with you when you die. but does that include bitcoin? because even a ghost can remember a password. dilbert: why would a ghost need money? boss: have you never noticed they all wear clothes?

Before Or After Firing

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Before Or After Firing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #prototype, #request, #fire

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dilbert: we destroyed all of the prototypes you requested. boss: i never asked for anything remotely like that. dilbert: ted said you did. boss: did he tell you that before or after i fired him last week?

Making World Better Place

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Making World Better Place - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #money, #meeting, #employees, #taxes, #cancer, #sarcasm

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boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place. dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all. wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse. boss: is that why i never see you doing any work? wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!