New Position Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Position

View 11 - 20 results for new position comic strips. Discover the best "New Position" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ted Talks Creates A God

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Talks Creates A God - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #mental, #midget, #ted talks, #binge-watching, #god, #dumb, #all knowing

View Transcript

Transcript

new hire: i must leave you mental midgets behind as i go start up my own company. i was once dumb like all of you. then i started binge-watching ted talks, and i evolved. dilbert: what are you now? new hire: some kind of god, i assume.

Ted Talks Make You Smarter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Talks Make You Smarter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #moron, #new hire, #smart, #ted talk, #binge-watch

View Transcript

Transcript

new hire: i used to be a moron, but then i binge-watched seventeen ted talks on youtube. now i'm the smartest person in the room. wally: should we do something about this? dilbert: i don't know. i've only watched six ted talks.

Hiring Morons And Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Morons And Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #labor, #market, #hire, #moron, #position, #ted talk, #video, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the labor market is so tight that i had to hire a moron just to fill a position. my plan is to make him watch ted talk videos until he smartens up. dilbert: how many will it take? boss: with any luck, fifteen to seventeen will get it done.

Personal Health Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Personal Health Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #laptop, #private, #data, #cloud, #asthma, #personal, #health, #edit, #disease

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert at laptop: according to your private data in the cloud, you have a mild case of asthma. dilbert: you can see my personal health data? dogbert: see it? hahaha! i can do more than that! dilbert: what is more than that? dogbert: i can edit it. you have six new diseases now.

Recreational Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Recreational Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buisness, #management, #managing, #cloud, #personal, #information, #laugh, #legal, #recreation

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: the best part about my new job managing the cloud is that i get to laugh at everyone's personal information. dilbert: you're not suppose to be looking at anyone's personal data. dogbert: i'm fairly sure it's legal if i only do it recreationally.

Alice And Blockchain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Alice And Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #project, #learn, #skills

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i'd like to help on the blockchain project to build my skills in that area. boss: i don't like it when people learn new things. alice: i don't know what to say to that. boss: oh, good. it worked.

Wally Not Working

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Wally Not Working - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology, #work ethic, #micro-managing

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: you don't seem to be working. wally: i don't want to start something new because it's almost the end of my work day. boss: it's ten o'clock in the morning. wally: and here comes the micro-managing.

Price Gouging

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Price Gouging - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #network, #idiot, #price, #gouging, #upgrade

View Transcript

Transcript

vendor: now that the network installation is half-done, i have you idiots right where i want you. it's too late for you to get a new vendor, so i'll be price-gouging you on upgrades you didn't even know you would need. dilbert: why are you telling us???? vendor: it makes it more fun for me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #conversation, #excellent, #hardware, #network, #price, #record, #reliability, #warranty

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: the new hardware you bought isn't compatible with our network. boss: i know, but the price was excellent, and they have a great reliability record. dilbert: i don't even know what conversation i'm in right now. boss: the extended warranty is second to none.

Master Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Master Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #Promotion, #master, #senior, #engineer, #more, #pay, #platinum, #optimism

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.