Ninety Percent Comic Strips - Page 2

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129 Results for Ninety Percent

View 11 - 20 results for ninety percent comic strips. Discover the best "Ninety Percent" comics from Dilbert.com.

Employee Engagement Is Up

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Employee Engagement Is Up - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, managers & supervisors, obliviousness, questions, data, measurement

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Boss: And I've improved employee engagement by nineteen percent. CEO: What is employee engagement? Boss: I'm not entirely sure. CEO: Then how do you measure it? Boss: Honestly, I wasn't expecting a lot of questions.

Lower The Price

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Lower The Price - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, office, office workers, prices, negotiate

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Dilbert: My boss will yell at me if I don't negotiate a lower price. What can you do for me? Man: I lowered the price by ten percent before I showed it to you. Dilbert: I have no way of verifying your claim. Man: Neither does your boss. Problem solved.

Job Is 98 Percent Interruption

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Job Is 98 Percent Interruption  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distraction, engineering, frustrated, jobs, office workers, listen

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Alice: My job is 2% work and 98% getting interrupted. I can't focus long enough to finish anything. Dilbert: Are you done? I'm trying to work. Alice: You're a bad listener.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, decision, executives, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, success, manipulation

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CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?

Slavery Or Work

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Slavery Or Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Wally, Dilbert, alice, succeed, nitpick, slavery, choice

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The Boss: We can only succeed if every one of you gives one hundred percent. Wally: I don't mean to nitpick, but wouldn't that technically be slavery? The Boss: No, because you have a choice. Wally: Didn't you just say the other choice is failure?

What Classes To Be An Engineer

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What Classes To Be An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intelligence, insult, Advice, logic, engineer, engineering

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Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.

Smartphone Syndrome

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Smartphone Syndrome - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phone, smart phone, compulsion, addiction, attention, distraction, mental health, technology

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Doctor: You've got a bad case of smartphone syndrome. One of hundred percent of your mental and physical problems are caused by using your phone too much. I don't feel as if I'm getting through to you. Alice texting: She's still talking. LOL.

Value Of An Employee's Life

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Value Of An Employee's Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, ethics, morals, morality, death, damage, value, medical

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Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!

The Extra 10%

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The Extra 10%  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, excuses, effort, motivation

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Boss: Our project can only succeed if each of us gives 110 percent. Voice 1: I'm off next week. Voice 2: I have surgery on Monday. Voice 3: I gave my two-week notice a week ago. Boss: Okay, can I get a 50 percent effort from any of you? Wally: I can only give you the extra 10 percent you believe exists.

Team Building Lunch

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Team Building Lunch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lunch, team, teamwork, team-building, business

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Dilbert: Is everyone ready to go to lunch yet? I've been waiting for ninety minutes. Alice: We just got back. No one noticed you weren't with us. Dogbert: How was your team-building lunch? Dilbert: Suboptimal.