Not Give Raise Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

802 Results for Not Give Raise

View 11 - 20 results for not give raise comic strips. Discover the best "Not Give Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.

Should Have Done It Sooner

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Should Have Done It Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #dollars, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #patch, #payroll, #problem, #raise, #savings, #software, #technology, #years

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.

View more books now

Point At End Of Slide Deck

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Point At End Of Slide Deck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #coronavirus, #slide, #deck, #Opinion, #point, #sarcasm, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker in face mask: what do you think of my slide deck? dilbert in face mask: i reviewed all 26 of your slides, and i can't figure out what your point is. co-worker: i could put the point on slide 27. dilbert: or just give up.

Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #train, #tech support, #problem, #reboot, #computer, #problem solving, #genius

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support. dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn. dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order. click dogbert: and he's gone. asok: genius!

Rot From The Inside

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Rot From The Inside - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #work, #ethic, #abysmal, #loan, #project, #hate, #rot, #idea, #raise

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: wally, your work ethic is abysmal. you're fired. wally: wouldn't it make more sense to loan me to a project you hate, so i can rot it from the inside? boss: that's not your worst idea. wally: is a raise out of the question?

Ceo In Cubicle

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo In Cubicle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #private, #office, #cubicle, #common, #work, #employees

View Transcript

Transcript

eco: i've decided to give up my private office and work from a cubicle so employees will respect me more. my cubicle will be 1,000 square feet, with a ceiling. dilbert: that's called an office. eco: nothing pleases you common folk.

Slide Deck Too Well Designed

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Slide Deck Too Well Designed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #tasks, #well-designed

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: your slide deck is too well-designed. it suggests you spend too much time on things that are not important. asok: you don't give me important tasks. boss: that's no excuse for good design.

Knowing What Wally Does

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Knowing What Wally Does - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #review, #job, #projects, #expectations, #heuristics

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i can't give you a good performance review because you haven't performed up to expectations. wally: do you even know what my job is? boss: of course i do. you're an engineer. wally: yes, but do you know what projects i'm working on? boss: well, various things, and some miscellaneous things too. wally: how can you determine my job performance when you don't know what my job is? boss: have you heard of heuristics? you're bad at everything i've observed, so i assume you are bad at everything else as well. wally: you should have started with that.

Alice Would Complain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Would Complain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complain, #managers & supervisors, #assignment, #business, #technology, #problem, #solve

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i was going to give this assignment to alice, but i know she would complain about it. dilbert reading paper: i don't want it either. boss: do you plan to complain about it later? dilbert: not to your face. boss: problem solved.

Clear Email From Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Clear Email From Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #servers, #request, #email, #reply, #project, #update, #fight, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: why didn't you upgrade the servers like i asked? dilbert: you never asked me to do that. boss: yes, i did. i told you in an email. dilbert: no, you did not. boss: i know i saw it because you replied. dilbert: i replied to a different email. boss: okay, let me find the email and show you how wrong you are. see. it clearly says, "give me a project update by thursday." dilbert: which is...an entirely different topic. boss: why are you fighting me on this?

Searching On A Phone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Searching On A Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #communication, #phone, #protocol, #task, #rude, #technology, #insult, #fake

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i have something funny to show you. just give me a minute to find it on my phone. dilbert thinking: what's the protocol in this situation? should i just sit here and stare at her pawing at her phone? i can't talk because she's focused on her task. and it would be rude to walk away. would it be an insult to look at my own phone and mentally check out from this useless interaction? tina: ah! i found it! dilbert: okay, good. tina: wait, that's not the right one. dilbert: is this why people fake their own deaths?