Not Weight Comic Strips - Page 2

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View 11 - 20 results for not weight comic strips. Discover the best "Not Weight" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dieting & weight control, #funerals, #bereavement policy, #days off, #dies young, #grocery shop, #conflict

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Carol: I've been reading our bereavement policy and I found a problem. I get three days off if my husband eats nothing but unhealthy food and dies young. And I'm the one who does our grocery shopping. Boss: Sounds like a conflict of interest. Carol: I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appearences, #big cubicle, #loose weight, #project leader, #status system, #toilet paper holder, #wider cubicle

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Boss: Congratulations! I'm naming you project leader. As such, you are entitled to a cubicle that is three inches wider than standard. Dilbert: I like the one I have. Boss: You don't have a choice. It is critical that we maintain the integrity of the status system. Otherwise our CEO will look like a jerk for having a private bathroom with a trained falcon as a toilet paper holder. Dilbert: Fine. Where's my larger cubicle? Boss: Here's the awkward part. We don't have one. I need you to lose weight until it looks as if your cubicle is larger. Dilbert: And if I don't? Boss: The falcon needs an assistant.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #exhibitions, #barf bag, #consumer electronics show, #new product cooler than anything, #weighs an ounce

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Alice says, "I see you have your giant-sized barf bag. You must be going to the consumer electronics show." Dilbert says, "Yup." Dilbert says, "Every time I see a new product that is cooler than anything we're working on, I'll go to the bag." Man says, "And it only weight one ounce!" FOOMP!!! At the show

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #environmental issues, #managers & supervisors, #government nagging, #rid of waste, #motivational paper weight, #nice going, #avoid licking, #business

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The Boss says, "The government is nagging us to get rid of our dangerous radioactive waste." The Boss says, "On a totally different topic, I'm giving each of you a motivational paperweight that says, 'Nice going.'" The Boss says, "Try to avoid licking them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone product, #form of radiation, #negative effect, #head turn red, #weight loss, #new cell phone, #positive spin

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The Boss says, "We have a little problem with our new cell phone product." "It gives off a form of radiation that has a negative effect on the user." Dilbert says, "How bad is it?" The Boss says, "Well, it makes your head turn red, and you lose weight." A person says, "Hey, what is up with our new cell phone? I feel different." A janitor says, "Can I borrow your friend?" The Boss says, "I don't see why not." The person says, "AAAIII!!!" GLUB GLUB GLUB The Boss says, "Anyway, see if you can put a positive spin on that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diet, #eating disorder, #first 20 pounds, #diet with buddy, #lose weight, #weight issues, #health

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The Boss: My doctor says it will be easier if I diet with a buddy. Do you want in on this? Tina: Good lord. I think I just developed an eating disorder! The Boss: They say the first 20 pounds are the easiest. Tina: NOT HELPING!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Is it true that you allowed a vampire to run the blood drive?" "Yes, and it takes a big man to admit he's wrong." "You admit you were wrong?" "I decided to lose weight."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ted snadwhich, #left in breakroom, #marked ted, #lost weight, #anger, #red faced

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"I'll be right back. I'm going to grab a Ted sandwich before the meeting." "A what?" "The food people always leave one sandwich in the break room fridge labeled Ted. It tastes like ham." "You're looking good, Ted. Have you lost weight?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Question: If our new product takes you sixty minutes into the future in one hour... "Isn't that the same as doing nothing at all?" "It also makes you lose weight if you stay in it long enough...while not eating."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #liosuction, #disappeared, #head one, #eating donuts, #being fed donuts

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Dilbert: "How did the liposuction go?" The boss: "Good." "People say I look younger. And thanks to my self-discipline, I'll keep off the weight." "One more."