One Bird Comic Strips - Page 2
Search Filters
Year
- 2023
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
1000 Results for One Bird
View 11 - 20 results for one bird comic strips. Discover the best "One Bird" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday June 07,
2021
Never Admit You Are Wrong
Tags business, office relationships, wrong, admit, pride, cumulative, clouds, speachless, example
Transcript
tina: you never admit you're wrong. dilbert: give me one example of that. tina: well, for example, there was the time you said there were no such things as "cumulative" clouds. panel changes to office building. tina: to this day, you have not admitted you were wrong. dilbert: um...
Sunday June 06,
2021
Anonymous Sources
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, company, anonymous, credibility, trust, lie, thief, sources
Transcript
boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company. dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility. boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say. dilbert: why do you trust them over me? boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're a thief. dilbert: you heard that from the anonymous sources that have no credibility! boss: why would they lie to me? dilbert: same reason you lie to me. boss: okay, that makes sense.
Wednesday May 26,
2021
Opposition Research
Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, accomplishments, year, opposition, research, co-workers, ranking, employees, idea
Transcript
wally: it might seem as though i accomplished very little this year. and that's true. but i also have a trove of opposition research on my co-workers. boss: what? wally: ranking employees against one another was your best idea ever.
Tuesday May 25,
2021
Nominate A Coworker
Tags business, months, recommendations, co-workers, office workers, recognize, superior, work, nominated, honest, idea, coffee
Transcript
boss: two months ago, i asked you all for recommendations on co-workers who should be recognized for superior work. on day one, you all nominated yourselves. since then it has been quiet. dilbert: if i'm being honest, it wasn't one of your brightest ideas.
Sunday May 23,
2021
Million Dollar Bonuses
Tags business, technology, deadline, project, million-dollar, recommendation, lying, clock, weeks, spirit, bonus, mad, finished, no, laptop, coffee
Transcript
boss: if you finish by the deadline, i'll recommend you for a million dollar bonus. dilbert: you're lying. boss: i'm serious. dilbert: but you're also lying. boss: only one way to find out. dilbert: i'd need to work around the clock for weeks to meet the deadline. boss: that's the spirit! dilbert: if you're lying about the bonus, i'm going to be boiling mad. five weeks later. dilbert: it nearly killed me, but i finished by the deadline. where's my million dollar bonus. boss: i told you i'd recommend it. they said no.
Thursday May 20,
2021
Ceo Speaks Out
Tags business, business ethics, political issues, stock, stock market, plunged, voice, injustice, bonus, million, dollars, Advice
Transcript
catbert: our stock plunged 30% because you spoke out on a political issue. ceo: no one can silence my voice when i see a great injustice. catbert: this will cost you your entire bonus of $10 million. ceo: what if i agree to never speak again?
Saturday May 15,
2021
Universe Preparing Problems
Tags business, universe, preparing, problems, anger, laptop, hate
Transcript
dilbert thinking in from of laptop: uh-oh. i don't seem to have any actual problems today. the universe hates it when i have no problems. it must be preparing a big one. dilbert yelling: what's it gonna be this time, universe?! carol: i'll come back.
Wednesday May 12,
2021
Marrying An Elbonian
Tags business, elbonia, accusations, marriage, plan, job, name, sarcasm, bigot
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert on couch at home. dilbert: people at work accused me of being bigoted against elbonian men, so i'm marrying one to prove them wrong and keep my job. dogbert: what's his name? dilbert: i think it's something like gluppfril or breemf. dogbert: sounds like a solid plan.
Tuesday May 11,
2021
Bigoted Against Elbonian Men
Tags business, marriage, office workers, elbonia, report, bigot, irrelevant, innocence, prove, sale, flower
Transcript
catbert: i'm getting reports that you are bigoted against elbonian men. dilbert: i'm not. catbert: that is irrelevant. there is only one way to prove your innocence. elbonian man: yes, i'll marry you. dilbert holding out flower: i thought it would be a tougher sale.
Thursday April 29,
2021
Shaking Hands
Tags business, managers & supervisors, invent, Alternative, handshake, high-five, month, coffee
Transcript
boss: i've invented an alternative to shaking hands. you raise one hand up like the start of a high-five and stop. what do you think? dilbert: why don't you try it for a month and tell me how it goes?