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View 11 - 20 results for one bird comic strips. Discover the best "One Bird" comics from Dilbert.com.

Never Admit You Are Wrong

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Never Admit You Are Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office relationships, wrong, admit, pride, cumulative, clouds, speachless, example

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tina: you never admit you're wrong. dilbert: give me one example of that. tina: well, for example, there was the time you said there were no such things as "cumulative" clouds. panel changes to office building. tina: to this day, you have not admitted you were wrong. dilbert: um...

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Anonymous Sources

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Anonymous Sources - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, technology, company, anonymous, credibility, trust, lie, thief, sources

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boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company. dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility. boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say. dilbert: why do you trust them over me? boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're a thief. dilbert: you heard that from the anonymous sources that have no credibility! boss: why would they lie to me? dilbert: same reason you lie to me. boss: okay, that makes sense.

Opposition Research

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Opposition Research - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, accomplishments, year, opposition, research, co-workers, ranking, employees, idea

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wally: it might seem as though i accomplished very little this year. and that's true. but i also have a trove of opposition research on my co-workers. boss: what? wally: ranking employees against one another was your best idea ever.

Nominate A Coworker

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Nominate A Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, months, recommendations, co-workers, office workers, recognize, superior, work, nominated, honest, idea, coffee

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boss: two months ago, i asked you all for recommendations on co-workers who should be recognized for superior work. on day one, you all nominated yourselves. since then it has been quiet. dilbert: if i'm being honest, it wasn't one of your brightest ideas.

Million Dollar Bonuses

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Million Dollar Bonuses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, deadline, project, million-dollar, recommendation, lying, clock, weeks, spirit, bonus, mad, finished, no, laptop, coffee

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boss: if you finish by the deadline, i'll recommend you for a million dollar bonus. dilbert: you're lying. boss: i'm serious. dilbert: but you're also lying. boss: only one way to find out. dilbert: i'd need to work around the clock for weeks to meet the deadline. boss: that's the spirit! dilbert: if you're lying about the bonus, i'm going to be boiling mad. five weeks later. dilbert: it nearly killed me, but i finished by the deadline. where's my million dollar bonus. boss: i told you i'd recommend it. they said no.

Ceo Speaks Out

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Ceo Speaks Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, political issues, stock, stock market, plunged, voice, injustice, bonus, million, dollars, Advice

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catbert: our stock plunged 30% because you spoke out on a political issue. ceo: no one can silence my voice when i see a great injustice. catbert: this will cost you your entire bonus of $10 million. ceo: what if i agree to never speak again?

Universe Preparing Problems

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Universe Preparing Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, universe, preparing, problems, anger, laptop, hate

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dilbert thinking in from of laptop: uh-oh. i don't seem to have any actual problems today. the universe hates it when i have no problems. it must be preparing a big one. dilbert yelling: what's it gonna be this time, universe?! carol: i'll come back.

Marrying An Elbonian

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Marrying An Elbonian - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, elbonia, accusations, marriage, plan, job, name, sarcasm, bigot

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dilbert and dogbert on couch at home. dilbert: people at work accused me of being bigoted against elbonian men, so i'm marrying one to prove them wrong and keep my job. dogbert: what's his name? dilbert: i think it's something like gluppfril or breemf. dogbert: sounds like a solid plan.

Bigoted Against Elbonian Men

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Bigoted Against Elbonian Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, marriage, office workers, elbonia, report, bigot, irrelevant, innocence, prove, sale, flower

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catbert: i'm getting reports that you are bigoted against elbonian men. dilbert: i'm not. catbert: that is irrelevant. there is only one way to prove your innocence. elbonian man: yes, i'll marry you. dilbert holding out flower: i thought it would be a tougher sale.

Shaking Hands

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Shaking Hands - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, invent, Alternative, handshake, high-five, month, coffee

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boss: i've invented an alternative to shaking hands. you raise one hand up like the start of a high-five and stop. what do you think? dilbert: why don't you try it for a month and tell me how it goes?