Only Company Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Only Company

View 11 - 20 results for only company comic strips. Discover the best "Only Company" comics from Dilbert.com.

Fraud Presenter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fraud Presenter  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #presentation, #incorrect, #fraud, #exposed, #resignation, #immediate, #meeting, #won

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker making a presentation with graph. wally: is it a coincidence that the only part of your presentation i understand is also clearly wrong? co-worker: well, you caught me. i'm actually a fraud. i offer my resignation, effective immediately. goodbye. wally to dilbert: this is the first time i ever won a meeting. i have to say, it feels good.

Lazy People Are Efficient

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lazy People Are Efficient - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #efficient, #projects, #lazy, #assignments, #useful

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.

Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #business, #disabled, #token, #gay, #homosexual, #celebrate, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: ted, the company wants to celebrate you as the first disabled gay person to hold this job. ted: but... i'm neither gay nor disabled. boss: the celebration is next week, so you have plenty of time to fix that.

Robot Calls

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Calls - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #robot, #intelligence, #human, #indistinguishable, #Number, #recognize, #rule, #earth

View Transcript

Transcript

voice coming from phone: as soon as robot intelligence is indistinguishable from home, the robots will rule the earth! dilbert: i don't recognize this number. who are you? please don't say a robot. voice: let's just say only one of us will rot.

Vaccine

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Vaccine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #covid-19, #sarcasm, #vaccine, #pharma, #company, #target, #safety, #efficacy

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'm happy to announce that our company has produced a vaccine for covid-19. dilbert: how did we do that? we're not even a pharma company. boss: i'm not going to lie. we had to cut some corners to get it done. dilbert: such as... boss: well, for example... we couldn't meet every single target we hoped to achieve. dilbert: how many targets did we miss? boss: only two things. dilbert: safety and efficacy? boss: okay, four things.

Every Expert Says

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Every Expert Says - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #idea, #technology, #work, #old, #new, #future, #expert, #entrepreneurs, #worldview

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: every expert in the world says your idea can't work. dilbert: experts only know about old ideas. if they knew about future ones, they would be entrepreneurs, not experts. boss: well, my entire worldview just collapsed. dilbert: sorry

Keyboard Upgrades

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Keyboard Upgrades  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #keyboard, #design, #keys, #better, #hard, #software, #upgrades

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i have an idea for a keyboard design that we upgrade every six months by rearranging where the keys are. boss: why would we do that? dilbert: to make it better. boss: that would only make it harder to use. dilbert: exactly like our software upgrades. what's your point?

Bribe One Judge

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bribe One Judge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #consumer, #lawsuit, #assignment, #judge, #bribe, #lawyer, #insult

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert to boss: you have over seven hundred consumer lawsuits filed against you. if i can get them all assigned to the same judge, you only have to bribe one person. boss: are you even a lawyer? dogbert: heavens, no, and i didn't come here to be insulted.

Incoming Message

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Incoming Message - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distraction, #technology, #business, #text, #message, #phone, #respond

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: ...so what we need to do... phone on table: ding dilbert: okay, now you're only pretending to listen to me because your mind is on that incoming text message. would you like to look at it and respond? alice: only if you don't think you can wrap this up in fifteen seconds or so.

Increasing Training Budget

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Increasing Training Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #budget, #training, #research & development, #company, #bankrupt

View Transcript

Transcript

boss to tina: i'm planning to increase the budget for training by fifty percent next year. tina to dilbert: he didn't say anything about the other budgets. dilbert to wally: he didn't say anything about the budget for research and development. wally to alice: sounds like he's phasing out research and development. alice to asok: he wouldn't phase out research and development unless he knows the company is failing. asok to carol: the company must be going bankrupt. carol to boss: the company is bankrupt. boss thinking: i guess i don't need to increase the training budget.