Paid For There Inventions Comic Strips - Page 2

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209 Results for Paid For There Inventions

View 11 - 20 results for paid for there inventions comic strips. Discover the best "Paid For There Inventions" comics from Dilbert.com.

Keeping The Worthless People

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Keeping The Worthless People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #salary, #incompetence

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Boss: I've noticed that 20% of my employees do 80% of the work around here. But I need to keep all of the worthless employees because my pay is based on how many people report to me. Catbert: Doesn't their incompetence bother you? Boss: Not since I found a way to get paid for it.

Dilbert Offers To Help

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Dilbert Offers To Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #help, #project, #sucker, #woman employee

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Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to help you on your project. Woman Employee: Yes!! My dream of getting paid while other people do my work is becoming a reality! Dilbert: I might have played this wrong. Woman employee: Sucker!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deceit, #contract, #cost, #money

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Man: Here's my invoice for the extras. Dilbert: The invoice we already paid covered everything in the contract. Man: That only covered the costs I quoted with intentional clarity. There are other costs that I might have mentioned in the long and rambling explanation that was intentionally ambiguous. Dilbert: "Might have??" I'm sure you did not. Man: Sounds like your word against mine. Dilbert: And even if you did mention it, you just said it was intentionally ambiguous!!! Man: I don't think you want to tell your boss you're a bad listener. Boss: I thought we already paid this vendor. Dilbert: Did you forget all the extras I told you about?

Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday

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Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #irony, #appointment, #deadline, #consultant, #training, #business

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Narrator: Dogbert The Negotiation Trainer. Boss: We'll see you on Monday for our first lesson. Dogbert: Sure. I'll see you on Monday or Tuesday. Possibly Wednesday. Boss: We paid you to start on Monday. Dogbert: Think how much you'll learn when I don't show up.

Emptiness And Pain

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Emptiness And Pain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pain, #emptiness, #soul, #work ethic, #motivation

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Dilbert: This is Randy, our new employee who has no soul. Tina: Wow. What's it like to have no soul? Randy: I feel only emptiness and pain. Tina: I hope you didn't take this job to get away from emptiness and pain. Randy: No, I just wanted to get paid for it.

Dilbert Does Nothing Useful

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Dilbert Does Nothing Useful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #meaning, #meaningless, #motivation, #laziness

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Dilbert: All I did today was create a bunch of PowerPoint slides that no one will understand. But I got paid the same as if I had done something useful. Is this the first stage of becoming you? Wally: If you're lucky.

Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots

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Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fair, #fairness, #wages, #equality, #worth, #money

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Dilbert: The new hire gets paid more than me. It isn't fair. Dogbert: Fairness is a concept that was invented so kids and idiots could participate in debates. Dilbert: Hey, that's not fair. Dogbert: The best case scenario here is that you're younger than you look.

Employee Weight Loss Contest

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Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition, #medical

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CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #idea, #criticism, #inventions, #obfuscate

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Dilbert: And that is my idea for our new product. Are there any ignorant objections? Man: Your idea is totally ridiculous! It's like you're tying to build castles in the sky! Dilbert: Have you heard of Air Force One, the plane used by the president of The United States? That's basically a castle in the sky, and someone built it. Man: Well, if your idea is so good, why hasn't someone already done it? Dilbert: I'm guessing that everyone else had co-workers like you.

Wally Accepts Bribes

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Wally Accepts Bribes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bribe, #bribery, #money, #laziness, #work ethic

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Wally: I started accepting bribes from co-workers to incent me to do my job. Dilbert: If it didn't work for your employer, why do they think it will work for them? Wally: Something about optimism. Dilbert: They didn't say why? Wally: All I know is that no one paid me to listen to them.