Phrase Comic Strips - Page 2

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18 Results for Phrase

View 11 - 18 results for phrase comic strips. Discover the best "Phrase" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2002's comic on:


Tags #extra funding, #extra network traffic, #hard data, #infinte capacity, #logic, #opinions, #science works, #weasel misrepresnting, #science

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "I don't think our network can handle the extra network traffic." The Boss replies, "Opinions don't matter to me. I base my decisions on hard data." Dilbert responds, "How about logic? Our network is already too slow and we plan to quadruple usage." The Boss responds, "Bah! Watch how science works and maybe you'll learn something." The Boss pokes his head out of his office and says to Doug, "Doug, come here for a minute." Doug says, "Our data proves that our network has infinite capacity, so your budget should be diverted to my project." Dilbert exclaims, "That's not science! That's a weasel misinterpreting data to get extra funding!" Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "There are days when you really hate to hear the phrase 'po-tay-to, po-tah-to."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2001's comic on:


Tags #dogcart consults, #create a strategy, #increase market share, #change, #valuable advice

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Headline: Dogbert Consults. Dogbert says to The Boss, "It's easy to create a strategy." Dogbert continues, "Write down everything you do, preceded by the phrase, 'increase our market share by...'" The Boss asks, "What if we change what we do?" Dogbert responds, "Call me and I'll sell you some more valuable advice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2000's comic on:


Tags #pet project, #isn't feasible, #working numebrs, #underlying reality, #massaged the numbers, #working, #numbers, #impossiblepossible, #new numbers, #other ideas, #fiddle with numbers

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Dilbert, putting a paper on The Boss' desk, says to The Boss, "My analysis shows that your pet project isn't feasible." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Try working the numbers." Dilbert says, "That wouldn't change the underlying reality." The Boss asks, "What if we massaged the numbers?" Dilbert says, "Massaging the numbers means the same thing as working the numbers." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You can't make the impossible possible by hallucinating new numbers." Dilbert asks The Boss, "Do you have any other ideas?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "That depends on the the phrase 'fiddle with the numbers' means."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2000's comic on:


Tags #tom peters advice, #become own brand, #get me some

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Wally says to Alice while pouring himself a cup of coffee, "I'm going to follow Tom Peters' advice and become my own brand." Alice replies, "The phrase you're least likely to hear is, 'I gotta get me some of that." Wally walks away thinking, "Day one: Not so good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogbert the ceo, #incestment banker, #loot place, #merge with client, #golden parachute, #exercise stock options, #merger, #so long suckers

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Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at desk. An investment banker stands across from him. Banker says, "I'm an investment banker. I can help you loot this place and escape." Banker sits next to Dogbert and reviews some material with him. Banker says, "You'll maerge with my other client company. Your golden parachute kicks in. Then you exercise your stock options on the uptick." Alice and Dilbert review merger announcement. Alice says, "You rarely see a merger announcement with the phrase, 'So long suckers.'" Dilbert softly says, "Ouch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new candidte, #interview, #reveal ugly truth, #dedicated, #employee empowerment, #jennifer, #special pharse, #job interview, #snarky woman, #jettison dignity

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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to interview the new candidate for engineering. Don't reveal any ugly truths." Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "At this company we're dedicated to the principle of employee empowerment, Jennifer." Jennifer asks, "The 'principle of employee empowerment'?" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Jennifer asks, "Why would you have a special phrase for something like that?" Jennifer continues, "If you could really make decisions on your own it would never occur to you to invent a phrase for it." Dilbert thinks, "My shields are down . . . A hull breach is imminent . . ." Jennifer says, "Just don't tell me you have 'quality teams.'" Dilbert stands up and screams, "Run for it, Jennifer!!! It's too late for me but you can save yourself!!! Run!!!" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and his glasses are bent. Wally says, "Whoa! Hull breach. Any survivors?" Dilbert replies, "One. I had to jettison my dignity but she made it to the escape pod."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 1996's comic on:


Tags #most diabolical work, #director, #human resources, #play, #hundreds employees, #evil mister, #strap a broom, #buttocks, #marketing, #more meetings, #five minutes, #business

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Catbert stands at his desk. He says, "Hee hee! This is my most diabolical work yet as director of human resources." Catbert continues, "Thanks to e-mail I can play with hundreds of employees at once!" Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Uh-oh . . . A message from the evil Mister Catbert." The message says, "In order to reduce our janitorial expenses . . ." Alice thinks, "That's a phrase you don't want to see." Wally reads, "Every engineer will be required to strap a broom to his or her . . ." Wally walks down the hall with a broom attached to his back. Wally and Dilbert stand outside a conference room. Wally says to Dilbert, "On the positive side, marketing invites us to a lot more meetings now." A man inside the room says, "Five minutes; we're still eating cookies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ass six meetings, #customer focus, #micro management, #egomaniacal mahifest, #survival, #paper towels, #mens room

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. Reading a report, the Boss says, "Change these dates . . . and add six more meetings and use the phrase 'customer focus.'" Dilbert looks down at the desk where a tiny figure has appeared. Dilbert says, "Uh-Oh . . . your micro-management has caused my ego to manifest itself and beg for survival." The tiny figure says, "I'm shrinking!" The Boss splats the tiny figure with a fly swatter and says to Dilbert, "Run and get me some paper towels . . . five of them . . . from the men's room."