Poor Persons Comic Strips - Page 2

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106 Results for Poor Persons

View 11 - 20 results for poor persons comic strips. Discover the best "Poor Persons" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hire Agile Programmers

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Hire Agile Programmers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pun, deception, earthquake, agility

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Wally: You should move the agile programmers to building six because it has poor earthquake protection. they can jump out of the way if stuff starts falling. Boss; I guess that makes sense. Wally: Can I have one of their cubicles near a window?

The Root Cause Of Bad Posture

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The Root Cause Of Bad Posture - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags posture, health, work ethic, laziness, back pain

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Dilbert: How do you keep your posture so straight? Wally: It's easy. You have to understand the root cause of your poor posture before you can eliminate it. Dilbert: Bad ergonomics? Wally: Work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, complaining, problems, salutation, sincerity, insincere, questioning, business

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Dilbert: Thanks for meeting me on short notice. How are you? Coworker: Well, actually, someone stole my identity and ruined my credit score. I couldn't refinance my loan and lost my house. So I ate myself into poor health. I stopped shaving for a month and ended up on the terrorist watchlist. My boss hates me and is trying to make me quit by giving me bad assignments. My car broke down and I haven't been hugged in a year. Dilbert: Okay, let's get started. Coworker: That's all the time I had.

Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues

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Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, future, death, prediction, health, reaction, medical

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Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.

The Cause Of Human Motivation

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The Cause Of Human Motivation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, cause and effect, trick, deception, logic, laziness, work ethic

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Wally: Do you believe human motivation is the product of a person's genes or the environment? Boss: Both. Duh. Anyway, I asked you here to discuss your terrible job performance. Wally: We just did. You said it isn't my fault.

Asok Asks How Much Is Luck

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Asok Asks How Much Is Luck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags nepotism, luck, success, obliviousness, rich people, privilege

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Asok: May I ask some questions about your journey to success? Boss: I don't like the sound of this. Asok: I am trying to ascertain what percentage of a person's success is pure luck. For example, who hired you for your first real job? Boss: My dad. But in my defense, I interview well.

What Advice Is

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What Advice Is - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags help, gratitude, misanthrope, misanthropic, misanthropy, Advice

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Coworker: Want some advice? Dilbert: Why? Can your ignorance and poor communication skills solve my uncertainty? Coworker: You never know until you try. Dilbert: Sometimes you know!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags behind schedule, obstical, projects, sound dumb, three engineers, time management skills

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Boss: All of your projects are behind schedule. You need to work on your time management skills. Dilbert:Let me see if I understand you correctly. You expect me to do the job of three engineers... ...and the only obstical to your brilliant plan os my poor time management? Boss: Stop making everything I say sound dumb. Dilbert: I dont do it that often. Because you only sound dumb when people understand what you mean. Boss: And thats too Often! Dilbert: Once a week tops.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags venture capitalists, reputation of the angel, angel investors, skill of engineers, huge raise, big chicken

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Dilbert: Do you know what venture capitalists care about when they make investment decisions? They care about the reputation of the angel investors who already put money in. DO you know what the angel investors care about? They care about the skill of the engineers. Therefore, you should give me a huge raise or else I'll quit and do my own start -up. BOSS: GO ahead you big chicken. Your going to die poor! HAHAHA!! Dilbert: That was harsh. Boss: and yet you didn't resign . any more questions?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, poor mangement, missed gaols, 360 review, doing great, menat to say, back pedal

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Boss: You missed all of your goals. Dilbert: Because of poor management. I'll go into more detail when I do my 360-degree review of you. Boss: I meant to say you're doing great. Dilbert: That's what I meant to say too.