Raise Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

202 Results for Raise

View 11 - 20 results for raise comic strips. Discover the best "Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, office, office workers, pay raise, employee of the year

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm looking for nominations for employee of the year. the boss: does anyone have a suggestion? dilbert: hypothetically, would the winner of this award be likely to get a larger-than-normal pay raise? the boss: i would think so, yes. dilbert: and is it true that our budget for raises is limited? the boss: yes, of course. dilbert: would it not be against my best interests to nominate an employee who is competing with me for scarce resources? the boss: let's just forget i brought it up. dilbert: i nominate myself.

Paying The Replacement More

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Paying The Replacement More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: if i were to quit, you would have to pay my replacement more than you are paying me. dilbert: wouldn't it be more fair to give me a raise to stay? the boss: how would that be fair to your replacement?

Wally Needs A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Needs A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, system, architect, Promotion, pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: our new system installation is a catastrophe. wally: we need to tear it out and re-architect it from scratch. wally: i'm the only person qualified to lead that effort. wally: but given the enormity of the job, i won't do it without a raise or promotion. the boss: weren't you the cause of the catastrophe? wally: exactly: that's why i'm the only person who knows how to fix it. the boss: are you blackmailing me? wally: no, it's nothing like that. the boss: wouldn't i be rewarding you for failure? wally: let's not label it.

Be More Like Alice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Be More Like Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complain, office, office workers, pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i can't give you a raise because you didn't do anything noteworthy this year. dilbert: it only seems that way because i'm so good at my job that i make it look easy and never complain. alice visually upset and yelling: my job is a nightmare!!! the boss: why can't you be more like alice?

Teaching Ai To Flirt

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Teaching Ai To Flirt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bank, business, office, office workers, robot

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert talking to the boss. dilbert: i taught my a.i. software to flirt with humans. dilbert: by day three, i had fallen in love, and it drained my bank account to buy a robot body. robot: demand a raise you wimp! dilbert: help m

Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, boss, conscience, rethink, quit, raise, going along, don't, ruin

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't in good conscience support inaccurate health claims about our products. I quit. Boss: I'll give you 20% raise if you stay. Wally: I quit too, because of all the ethnics and stuffs. Dilbert: Don't ruin this for me.

Headphone Claims

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Headphone Claims - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags headphones, false, advertising, help, scientist, boss, Dilbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're getting sued for claiming out headphones cure brain tumor and raise your IQ. Boss: We'll need to hire a scientist to back us on this. Dilbert: Where will we find a scientist willing to do that? Boss: Well, I wouldn't start with the rich ones.

Best In The Industry

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Best In The Industry - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags headphones, best, persuading, humor, confused, jokes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The headphones we make are the best in the industry. Man: Our marketing campaign will focus on how they cure brain tumors and raise your IQ. Dilbert: They don't do any of that. Man: This is exactly why we don't let engineers do marketing.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, boss, business, change, frustration, managers & supervisors, money, salary, company

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year. Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!! Boss: That was mostly last year. Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now! Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change. Dilbert: I said one reason!

Ai With Bad Analogies

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ai With Bad Analogies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineering, questions, robot, technology, humans, rational

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My breakthrough in A.I. came when I stopped trying to duplicate human rational thought. Dogbert: You can't copy what doesn't exist. Dilbert: Right. So instead I coded it to spout analogies to sound human. Asok: Should I ask my boss for a raise? Robot: Trees don't ask for raises, so why should you?