Review 80 Million Lines Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

311 Results for Review 80 Million Lines

View 11 - 20 results for review 80 million lines comic strips. Discover the best "Review 80 Million Lines" comics from Dilbert.com.

Speaking Truth To Power

Thank you for voting.
Speaking Truth To Power - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #ted, #the boss, #performance review, #perform, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Performance Review The Boss: I've seen a lot of employees in my day, and you are definitely one of them. Ted: Are you saying generic things because you don't know what my job is or how well I performed? The boss: And... You speak truth to power. Ted: Please stop.

We Need To Talk

Thank you for voting.
We Need To Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #contradiction, #argument, #disagreement

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.

Dogbert Sells Life Advice

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert Sells Life Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #motivation, #meaning, #existentialism

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: How do I find meaning in my life? Dogbert: Nothing has meaning. The best you can do is postpone your own lonely and painful death. Asok: Are you saying I should take care of my health? Dogbert: What answer gets me the best review on Yelp?!

Brains In A River

Thank you for voting.
Brains In A River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #cryogenics, #ethics, #laziness, #yelp, #online review, #comments, #feedback, #customers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.

Optimal Meeting Density

Thank you for voting.
Optimal Meeting Density  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuses, #excuse, #meeting, #meetings, #powerpoint, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.

Sunk Costs

Thank you for voting.
Sunk Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #money, #big business, #logic, #loss, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The economics of the project have changed. We need to shut it down. Boss: If we stop now, the $10 million we already spent will be wasted. Dilbert: And if we stop later? Boss: The trick is to never finish the project.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #accomplishment, #narcissist, #narcissism, #review, #firing, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: The Underperforming Narcissist. Boss: Topper, you've accomplished nothing this year. Topper: Are you kidding? I'm the greatest employee this world has ever seen! Boss: You have literally done nothing useful for a year. Topper: Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows that "less is more." And I've done far less than anyone. Wally: Sorry I'm late. I thought I heard an animal trapped in my car's engine. Boss: Did you do less than Wally? Topper: Maybe we could continue this talk when he's not in the office. Wally: Any time before 11 a.m. is usually good.

Boss Loses Wife And Money

Thank you for voting.
Boss Loses Wife And Money  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #role model, #aspiration, #gambler, #gambling, #money, #Win, #Lose, #success, #quitter

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: It's not easy being a professional gambler. I lost a million dollars and my wife in one week. But I don't want to be a quitter because I know you see me as a role model. Carol: My role model is your wife. Boss: You like quitters?

Barry Dingle Asks About Blockchain

Thank you for voting.
Barry Dingle Asks About Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2017's comic on:


Tags #questioning, #time, #quick question

View Transcript

Transcript

Barry: I see you're off your phone. Can I pop in and ask a quick question? Boss: Yes, but only if it is quick. Barry: Oh, it will be. Boss: Okay, make it quick. Barry: What is blockchain and how will it influence our strategy across all product lines?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #contract, #legalese, #language, #comprehension

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Review this contract and tell me if it looks right. Dilbert: It's legal gibberish. I don't understand a word of it. Boss: So... you see no problems? Dilbert: Only a lawyer could understand it. Boss: But otherwise it's okay? Dilbert: My inability to identify a problem is not proof of no problems. Boss: Then how do you know when all of your problems have been fixed? I'll just sign it and see what happens.