Same People Comic Strips - Page 2
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1000 Results for Same People
View 11 - 20 results for same people comic strips. Discover the best "Same People" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 06,
2021
Anonymous Sources
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, company, anonymous, credibility, trust, lie, thief, sources
Transcript
boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company. dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility. boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say. dilbert: why do you trust them over me? boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're a thief. dilbert: you heard that from the anonymous sources that have no credibility! boss: why would they lie to me? dilbert: same reason you lie to me. boss: okay, that makes sense.
Tuesday May 18,
2021
Make Us Look Good
Tags business, managers & supervisors, press release, company, support, social, issues, complaining, awesome, research, appearances
Transcript
ceo: write a press release saying our company supports whatever social issues people are griping about lately. tina: does it matter which issues i pick? ceo: nah. just make us look awesome. tina: should i research the issues first? ceo: are you trying to not get the point?
Monday May 17,
2021
Ceo Wants To Get Involved In Politics
Tags business, political issues, Politics, stock market, technology, company, controversial, predict, impact, drop, earnings, stock, sell, involvement
Transcript
ceo: i've decided our company needs to get more involved in controversial politics. dilbert: wouldn't the predictable impact of that be a huge drop in our earnings? ceo: no, no. people will love us for getting involved. dilbert: can you at least hold off until i sell all of my stock.
Wednesday May 12,
2021
Marrying An Elbonian
Tags business, elbonia, accusations, marriage, plan, job, name, sarcasm, bigot
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert on couch at home. dilbert: people at work accused me of being bigoted against elbonian men, so i'm marrying one to prove them wrong and keep my job. dogbert: what's his name? dilbert: i think it's something like gluppfril or breemf. dogbert: sounds like a solid plan.
Monday May 10,
2021
Dilbert Doesn't See Hats
Wednesday May 05,
2021
Dick Tells A Rumor
Tags business, workplace, coworkers, people, gossip, malice, slander, pointless, pain, nemesis, office workers
Transcript
dick: hi, i'm dick, your workplace nemesis. dilbert: i know who you are. dick: people are saying terrible things about you behind your back, but i can't tell you who they are or what they are saying. dilbert: what is the point of telling me that? dick: have i mentioned i feed on your pain.
Sunday May 02,
2021
Remote Workers Do Not Mate
Tags appearance, dating, love & dating, walking, outdoors, dating app, woman, app, reproduction, inner qualities, goodbye, genes
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert walking outside. dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely on your looks. obviously, that's a dead end. your best chance of reproduction has always been to wear down a co-worker over several years. women need time to get over your appearance, and to appreciate your inner qualities. we should have a goodbye party for your genes. dilbert: maybe next time we could walk and not talk. dogbert: maybe.
Sunday April 18,
2021
Online Therapy
Tags business, psychiatry, technology, online, therapy, video therapy, social, isolation, awkward, bored, people, hate, pretend, hand washing, carrier, deadly, pathogen, normal
Transcript
dilbert on video call. voice from laptop: billing for your video therapy session begins now. dilbert: i'm worried that all of my recent social isolation has changed me. therapist: how so? dilbert: well, a year ago, i felt awkward and bored around people, and that was bad enough. now i hate them so much that i only pretend to wash my hands. i guess i'm secretly hoping i'm a carrier for a deadly pathogen of some type. am i normal? therapist: i sure hope so because i do the same thing.
Tuesday April 06,
2021
Dlbert Prefers The Pandemic
Tags health & safety, pandemic, end, meet, new, people, focus, friends, prefer
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert on a walk. dilbert: i don't want the pandemic to end because i kind of prefer not meeting new people. dogbert: don't focus on the end of the pandemic. maybe it's really about the friends you didn't make along the way.
Sunday April 04,
2021
Taking Time Off
Tags business, technology, video call, vacation, paid time off, critical, essential, system, migration, kidding, success, zoom, call, valuable, asset, engagement
Transcript
boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.