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160 Results for Save Unicorn Dna

View 11 - 20 results for save unicorn dna comic strips. Discover the best "Save Unicorn Dna" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bad User Interface

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Bad User Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #user experience, #interface, #usability, #menu, #language

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Dilbert: Customers are complaining because our user interface is confusing. For example, our menu choice for deleting a file is labeled "save file." Boss: That's why we have a help menu. Dilbert: Our help menu is labeled "reformat hard drive."

Absurd Absolute

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 Absurd Absolute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software upgrade, #idiot, #absurd absolute, #admit when wrong, #eaten unicorn

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You're an idiot if you think the software upgrade will solve every one of our problems. Dilbert: Or are you an idiot for characterizing my reasonable idea as an absurd absolute? Why cant you admit when you're wrong? Dilbert: Same reason you've never eaten a unicorn.

The Problem Is Humans

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The Problem Is Humans  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #culture, #consultant, #human nature, #company culture, #business

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Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.

Threatening Wally

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Threatening Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #excuse, #threat, #ultimatum

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Woman: Wally, did you finish the data scrub? Wally: No, a defect in my brain made me too lazy. Woman: Perhaps some sort of threat would get you going. Wally: It's worth a try. Woman: Do your work or else I'll tell everyone you're useless! Wally: That would save me a lot of time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #anger, #frustration, #trolling, #needling

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Dilbert: And that's how much money the new system will save us per year. Man: Apparently you don't care how much it costs because you're an ignorant narcissist. Dilbert: I talked about the costs in great detail. What's wrong with you? Man: Oh, I guess you're walking it all back now. Dilbert: There's nothing to walk back. I'm saying the same thing I said earlier. Man: Nice try, hypocrite! Dilbert: I don't know what is happening right now!!! Man: Why is he so defensive? Boss: He's losing it.

Boss Cancels Food Service

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Boss Cancels Food Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lunch, #Food, #stealing, #refrigerator, #property, #misunderstanding

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Boss: I've decided to cancel our food service to save money. Dilbert: We don't have a food service. We all bring our own food and keep in the break room refrigerator. Boss: I've been eating the food in there for seven years. Dilbert: I'd keep that to myself if I were you.

75 Slides Too Long

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75 Slides Too Long  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public speaking, #presentation, #length, #brevity, #powerpoint

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Asok: I have 75 slides to discuss in ten minutes. Save your questions to the end. CEO: Sit down and never talk to me again as long as you live. Dilbert: How'd the CEO presentation go? Asok: It was 75 slides too long.

3 D Printer Will Save Millions

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3 D Printer Will Save Millions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #altruism, #money, #profit, #big business, #priorities, #morals, #life

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Dilbert: I invented a 3-D printer for the poor that can create any kind of generic drug or medical device. It will save millions. Boss: ...of dollars? Dilbert: People. Boss: Pass.

Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix

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Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jargon, #language, #matrix, #communication

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Dilbert: Asok entered the jargon matrix. I'm going in to save him. Asok: User experience... Dilbert: Cloud... blockchain... speed of execution... responsive design... peel the onion... move the needle... Asok: Sustainability. Dilbert: I'm in. Asok: What the...? Where did you come from? Narrator: Continued...

Catbert Will Not Help Children

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Catbert Will Not Help Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reasoning, #judgment, #company policy, #rules, #regulations, #rigid, #stringent, #inflexible

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Dilbert: Can you give me Carol's home address? I agreed to watch her kids and she turned off her phone for her date night. Catbert: It is against company policy for me to use my good judgment to save children. Dilbert: Are you sure it says that? Catbert: Yes. I wrote it myself.