Slow Responder Comic Strips - Page 2

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56 Results for Slow Responder

View 11 - 20 results for slow responder comic strips. Discover the best "Slow Responder" comics from Dilbert.com.

Network Is Slow

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Network Is Slow - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bandwidth, #network, #speed, #nsfw, #videos, #internet, #technology

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Boss: Why is our network so slow today? Dilbert: I'll check. Okay, it seems that 75 percent of the staff is viewing inappropriate videos. Boss: That's all I wanted to do, too.

Nanorobots In Wally Slow Down

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Nanorobots In Wally Slow Down - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #technology, #robot, #nanobot, #motivation

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Catbert: The nanobots we injected into your bloodstream to make you a better employee are slowing down. Your blood is demotivating the nanorobots and making them useless. You're killing them! Gaaa!!! It's a massacre in there! Wally: They had it coming.

No Progress On Writing The Novel

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No Progress On Writing The Novel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #writing, #writer, #talent, #frustration, #writers block, #self esteem, #self deprecation, #depression, #psychology

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Dogbert: How's your novel coming along? Dilbert: I'm off to a slow start. All I did this week is stare at a blank screen and feel bad about my lack of talent. Dogbert: Maybe try writing something. Dilbert: I have to think that would make things worse.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deciding, #lunch, #choosing, #technology, #options, #yelp, #frustration

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How To Eat Lunch. Dilbert: Lunch? Alice: Sure. Where do you want to go? Dilbert: Well, let's see... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: You're slow. Let me check! Dilbert: No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Dilbert: No... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: How about this... No, bad review. Dilbert: How about this... No, they have no tables. [45 Minutes Later] Alice: Show me food! Dilbert: Food! Food! Food! Boss: Time to make some billion-dollar decisions. Dilbert: I'm going feral!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #feedback, #managers, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #appreciate, #feel valued, #belittle, #indirect, #slow and isorganized, #business

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Boss: Would you like some feedback on your performance? Dilbert: No. Boss: You're supposed to appreciate feedback because it makes you feel valued. Dilbert: How does listening to you belittle me about things you don't understand make me feel valued? Boss: Well, I don't know. It must be an indirect thing. Maybe we should just try it and see how it feels. Dilbert: Whatever. Boss: I don't actually watch you work, so I'm mostly guessing about the things you do wrong. I accuse you of being slow and disorganized! Is it working yet? Dilbert: Yes. If that makes you go away.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #executives, #ignorance, #money, #powerpoint, #project unicron, #progress, #style, #substitute for subsatnce, #worker bee, #executives rspond, #clouds, #dollar signs, #slow clap

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Boss: Make a PowerPoint deck showing our progress on Project Unicorn. Dilbert: There hasn't been any progress. Boss: That's okay. Use a large font. Dilbert: Style is not a substitute for substance. Boss: You're thinking like a worker bee. There's no time for substance when you're at the top. Executives only respond to familiar colors and shapes. Clouds, dollar signs... that sort of thing. Dilbert: ...and in conclusion. Boss: Come on slow clap.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #free software, #run slow, #upgrades, #office, #cubicles, #free

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Dogbert: Want some free software? Boss: What's it do? Dogbert: All it does is beg you for upgrades. And if you upgrade, then it begs you to upgrade again and so on. And it makes all of you other software run slow. Boss: And it's free?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #fast date, #technologically, #incompatible, #internet connection, #slow connection, #4g service, #relationships

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Dogbert: That was a fast date. Dilbert: We were technologically incompatible. Her internet connection is slow, and there's no 4G service where she lives. How could I spend my time there? Dogbert: You could just talk. Dilbert: I like to show my sources.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #laziness, #project budget, #new technology, #slow learner, #expensive

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Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #question, #smartphone, #internet browser, #slow, #old, #wrinkly, #dead, #google, #business

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The Boss says, "I can research that question with my phone's browser." MUCH TIME PASSES The Boss says, "I found the Google!"