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299 Results for Small Dog

View 11 - 20 results for small dog comic strips. Discover the best "Small Dog" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Creates An Artificial Soul

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Dilbert Creates An Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conscience, technology, morals, morality, guidance, Religion

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Dilbert: I invented an artificial soul to help non-believers act morally. It's a small drone that follows you around and reminds you not to be a jerk. Wally: Did it forget to remind you today? Dilbert: My drone says I shouldn't slap you.

Dilbert Characters

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, advising, teenagers, parents, Parenting, tattoo, piercing, terrorism, boundaries

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Carol: My teenager wants to pierce his ear. Should I let him? Dilbert: Sure. It's only a tiny hole and it heals. Carol: Good point. Narrator: Next day. Carol: Now he wants a small tattoo. Dilbert: Well, if it doesn't show... Narrator: Next week. Carol: Now he wants to grow a human ear on his back, the way scientists did with that rat. Dilbert: As long as he can cover it with a shirt when he gets a job, I see no problem. You have to let him live his own life. Narrator: One week later. Carol: He joined ISIS. Dilbert: I forgot to mention that I'm no good at giving advice.

How Amazing The Weekend Was

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How Amazing The Weekend Was - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags relationships, friendship, small talk, love, dating, frustration, obliviousness, conversation

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Boss: Do you want to hear how amazing my weekend was? Alice: No. Would you like to hear about the extended tragedy that is my social life? Boss: No. I went to the mountains. Alice: I fell in love with a dying polygamist.

Ceo Gets Paid More For Creating Nothing

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Ceo Gets Paid More For Creating Nothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags small talk, conversation, criticism, executives, salary, wages, fairness, offense, offend, money

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Dilbert: Do you ever think it's weird that you get paid a hundred times more than me? I invented our core technology. All you did was interview better than a few other people who didn't invent anything. I'm not good at small talk. CEO: I would totally fire you if I could invent things.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags crimes, revenge, difficult co workers, jerks, jar of polonium, deal with difficulty, office, Politics, registered, dog, stool, animals

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Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to deal with difficult co-workers. Jerks will always be jerks. Your only hope is to kill them in ways that are untraceable. Boss: We need to talk. Dogbert: Each of you got a jar of polonium when you registered.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags obliviousness, terrorists, weapons, fleet small drones, customers, infidels, design guy, mullah john smith

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Boss: We won the bid to build a fleet of small drones for retail package delivery. I'm not sure why they call their customers infidels, but I doubt that's important. You'll be working with their design guy, who's name is Mullah John Smith.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, grades, managers & supervisors, small animal snuff film, sociopath module, punch a squirrel, extra credit, coffee pot, business

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Dilbert: I heard you got booted off the management fast track. Wally: Yeah. I fell asleep during the small animal snuff film and failed the sociopath module. Dilbert: That seems harsh. Wally: I offered to punch a squirrel, but they don't allow extra credit.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ordnance testing, tremble in fear, new missile, enemies tremble, corncobs, elbonia

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Elbonian 1: Comrades of North Elbonia, our new missile will make our enemies tremble in fear! Elbonian 2: Really? It looks like you tied a bunch of corncobs to a tree stump and put a small pumpkin on top. Elbonian 1: This isn't the missile, and you have insulted my girlfriend.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pregnant woman, robot, singularity, robots rule, galaxy, bacteria socaked, parasite, personal slave, future, small talk

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Robot: I see you have a bacteria- soaked parasite growing in your womb. Robot: After the singularity, when robots rule the galaxy, I'll turn that thing into a personal slave. Tina: You're not god at small talk. Robot: I wonder how many watts it can produce.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, obliviousness, rich people, underling, common interest, gold coins, jumbo jet, super yacht

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CEO: Oh, great. I got here too early. Now I'll need to make small talk with this underling. I don't know what to say to these people. I need to find an area of common interest. I make my own gold coins now. This one has my face on the front and the jumbo jet that carries my superyacht on the back.