Special Target Comic Strips - Page 2

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111 Results for Special Target

View 11 - 20 results for special target comic strips. Discover the best "Special Target" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #career scuccess, #babbling jargon, #special gift, #paid for nothing, #lead by example

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Boss: The key to career success is finding your special gift. Wally: My special gift is getting paid for doing nothing but babbling jargon. Boss: Maybe I should lead by example. Wally: Maybe you already did.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #snobbishness, #ceo visitis, #questions, #ceo, #special treatment

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Boss: When our CEO visits, don't ask him any questions. He hates questions. And don't stare. He hates it when people look at him. Dilbert: May we breathe the air on his planet? Boss: Only the stuff he exhales.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bluetooth, #bluetooth headset, #cyborg, #doctors, #ear, #full human, #happiness, #intraocular lenses, #inventions, #pill form, #powered by chemistry, #streaming video, #surgically enbed, #vision correction, #dentits, #special surgery, #psychology

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Dilbert: I know I'd be happier as a cyborg than a full human. I want you to surgically embed a bluetooth headset in my ear, powered by my own body chemistry. And I'd like intra-ocular lenses with vision correction and streaming video over bluetooth. Doctor: Happiness only comes in pill form.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #celebrations, #new year's day, #happy new year, #oxytocin drug dealer, #magical thinking, #space time continuum

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Woman: Happy New Year! Dilbert: Whoa! Settle down. I don't celebrate the magical thinking that says one random point in the space-time continuum is somehow special. Woman: It's just a hug. You'll enjoy it. Dilbert: You're like some sort of Oxytocin drug dealer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #libertarianism, #taxidermy, #critter, #con humans, #stuffed humans, #breathing humans, #two critter special

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Alice says, "I'd like a quote for taxidermy on this critter." Man says, "The law says I can't stuff humans, especially when they're still breathing." Man says, "But I believe in small government, so roll him to the back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags #sales, #bonus, #boss, #raise target, #engineer, #connect cables, #computers, #time machine, #marketing, #liquor, #business, #engineering

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Ken says, "I hate sales. Can you cross-train me to be an engineer?" Dilbert says, "Absolutely. All you need is a time machine and a brain with twice as many folds as your current model." Ken says, "Maybe I could try marketing." Dilbert says, "That's just liqour and guessing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #evil, #cat, #director of human resources, #sales bonus, #raise target, #boss, #laugh, #point, #bend over, #tail, #annoyed, #support, #animals

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Ken says, "Every time I get near my sales bonus level, the pointy-haired boss raises the target!" Catbert says, "Ha ha ha! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! He just yanks it away! Ha ha ha!" Ken says, "I was hoping for some support." Catbert says, "Then buy a cane and talk to the tail! Ooogah!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #special project, #secret, #confidential, #idiot, #question, #placebo

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Dilbert says, "I need answers to these questions for a confidential project. I can't tell you more." Coworker says, "I'm a complete idiot and even I can deduce from your questions what the project must be." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, so some of you idiots are getting placebo questions." Coworker says, "Well played."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2010's comic on:


Tags #special project, #secret, #confidential, #dig grave, #shovel, #death, #medical

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The Boss says, "I need you to work on a highly confidential project." The Boss says, "When you're done, I want you to dig your own shallow grave and beat yourself to death with the shovel." Dilbert says, "Why does it feel as if my entire career has been preparation for this project?" The Boss says, "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #interview, #trick, #scheme, #selling, #laptops, #disappointed, #stupidity

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Job interview Dogbert says, "Do you have any sales experience?" Man says, "No, but I?" Dogbert says, "Okay, whatever." Dogbert says, "There's no base pay. You only get paid opn commission." Dogbert says, "And you'll need a special laptop for this job." Dogbert says, "you can buy it from our company with a 5% employee discount." Dogbert says, "You're hired." Man says, "Yes! And my friends told me I would never find a sales job in this weak economy!" Man says, "By the way, what does the company sell?" Dogbert says, "We sell laptops to idiots."