Training Dept Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

191 Results for Training Dept

View 11 - 20 results for training dept comic strips. Discover the best "Training Dept" comics from Dilbert.com.

Tina Likes To Hum

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Likes To Hum - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoy, #business, #humming

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: would you please stop humming? it's making me crazy. Tina: i can't focus unless i hum. dilbert: but i can't focus when you do hum. i'm going to talk to your boss. tina: i'm going to talk to your boss! hum, hum, hum. dilbert: gaaa!!! i can't work when she hums. tina: humming helps me work better. boss: i rule in favor of the hummer and i sentence dilbert to take sensitivity training class to be less of a jerk. dilbert: i hate you. tina: hum, hum, hum.

Dogbert's Self Defense School

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Self Defense School - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #enemies, #murder, #office workers, #training, #manipulation, #defense

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's school of unconventional self-defense. I'm handing out a list of my personal enemies. Your homework is to kill them before sunrise. Voice: That isn't self-defense. Dogbert: Wow. All you can think about is you, you, you.

Mandatory Training

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mandatory Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoidance, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #training

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You haven't finished the mandatory compliance training modules. Alice: I'm waiting for a strategic time to do them. Boss: Oh, okay. Want to go to lunch? Alice: I would love to, but I have training modules to do.

Alice Gets Mandatory Training

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Gets Mandatory Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #office workers, #punishment, #threat

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I can't work with old Ned. He's a sexist, racist, bigoted troglodyte. Catbert: Name-calling is not allowed in this company. I sentence you to three weeks of mandatory training. Alice: I could trangle you with your own tail. Catbert: Six weeks!

Doomed Humanity To Annihilation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Doomed Humanity To Annihilation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aliens, #attack, #boss, #communication, #managers & supervisors, #mistake, #office workers, #technology, #laser, #nasa

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The laser communication prototype you built for NASA accidentally vaporized the alien ship heading our way. If it got off a message to its home planet, your stupidity has doomed humanity to annihilation. Also, you didn't complete your mandatory training in chair safety.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career, #employees, #office, #office workers, #training, #trick, #sabatoge

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally will train you for your new job. You'll need to figure out how much of what he says is real training and how much is career sabotage. Man: Career sabotage? Boss: Employees don't like competition. Only the top 20% get bonuses. They'll do what they can to keep you out of that group. Man: I assume you're exaggerating. Boss: You'll see. Wally: Has anyone told you about no-pants Fridays?

Training By Osmosis

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Training By Osmosis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #formal, #training, #job, #absorb, #osmosis, #idiot, #rest, #staff

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We don't have formal training for your job. Just hang around and see if you can absorb it through osmosis. Man: I'm an idiot for taking this job. The Boss: You're already thinking like the rest of the staff!

Ted Cross Trains

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Cross Trains - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cross-training, #fired, #firing, #unemployment

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted, I need you to train the new hire how to do your job. Ted: Are you firing me? Boss: No, no. Just standard cross-training. Ted: Okay, I was worried for a second there. Boss: And start tidying up your cubicle.

Negotiating Expert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consultant, #negotiation, #training, #irony, #obliviousness, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.

Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #irony, #appointment, #deadline, #consultant, #training, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: Dogbert The Negotiation Trainer. Boss: We'll see you on Monday for our first lesson. Dogbert: Sure. I'll see you on Monday or Tuesday. Possibly Wednesday. Boss: We paid you to start on Monday. Dogbert: Think how much you'll learn when I don't show up.