Translate For Clients Comic Strips - Page 2

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View 11 - 20 results for translate for clients comic strips. Discover the best "Translate For Clients" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #idea, #deception, #lying, #unethical, #business

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Dogbert says, "We're going into the executive recruiting business." Dilbert says, "But the economy is so weak that there aren't any job openings." Dogbert says, "That's why we're also going into the executive coaching business." Dogbert says, "We'll give our clients bad advice, and get them fired." Dogbert says, "Then our recruiting division will offer to fill those jobs." Dogbert says, "Wally, you'll be our executive coach." Wally says, "Your receptionist is cute have you considered stalking her?" Man says, "Um...a little." Wally says, "You can borrow my binoculars."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agreement, #areas of expertise, #business units, #confusion, #consolidate shared services, #diagnostic review, #evil director, #from centers, #invoice, #meeting, #presentation, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources man says, "My consultants can transform human resources." man says, "We'll start with a diagnostic review." man says, "Then you'll form centers of excellence around areas of expertise." man says, "Next, you'll consolidate shared services and drive continuous improvement." man says, "Business units will translate operational imperatives into HR actions. Catbert says, "Does any of that mean the same as firing idiots and cutting the budget?" man says, "Which answer gets us hired?" Catbert says, "Try yes." Man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Great. Put a bow on it and send me the invoice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company website, #binder, #easier refernce, #tarnslate, #make easier, #alert dictionary, #easy, #stupider

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The Boss approaches Carol and says, "Carol, print out our company web site and put it in a binder for easier reference." Carol replies, "Okay, and I'll also translate it into Klingon to make it even easier." Carol continues, "And I'll alert the dictionary makers that 'easier' means 'stupider.'" The Boss responds, "Keep them out of this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cleint, #lawyer, #juror, #sleeping juror, #snoring, #fell asleep, #legal

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Lawyer: My clients life now rests in your capable hands. ZZZZZZZ ZZZZZ ZZZZ JURY DELIBERATIONS JUROR: Did anything happen after "Please rise"?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internal clients, #tracking, #fake bills, #helpful

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The Boss says to Wally, "We're going to start tracking our time spent with internal clients." The Boss continues, "I will cleverly send fake bills to other departments to show how helpful we are." Wally replies, "I can't help you. I'm busy with my time sheet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineering liason, #project staus, #translate for clients, #never completed, #idiot clients, #change requirements

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The Engineering Liason says to Dilbert, "Tell me your project status and I'll translate for our clients." Dilbert says, "The project will never be completed because our idiot clients change the requirements every other day." The Engineering Liason responds, "I'll just say you're drunk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert the consultant, #newest partner, #least desirable assisngments, #consultant cannon, #monitor progress

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Caption: Ratbert the consultant. Man in suspenders says, "As our newest partner, you'll get the least desireable assignments." Man in suspenders says, "We'll load you in the consultant cannon, shoot you to the client's site and monitor your progress." He loads Ratbert, who wears a hemlet, into a cannon. Ratbert says, "The window is more to the left." The man moves the cannon. The man in suspenders says, "The client is more to the right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consulting form, #bushel, #money, #twenty hours of work, #good reasons, #clients, #travel

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Ratbert sits on top of a dresser. A man in a suit stands holdinga basket full of dollar bills. The man says, "Come work for our consulting firm and you will get this bushel of money." The man says, "All we want in return is twenty hours of work each day..." The man says, "...With clients who hate you for a variety of good reasons." Ratbert says, "At least there's no travel right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #severe shyness, #nude photos, #internet, #previous clients, #motley crue, #Dogbert, #technology

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Dilbert is in bed under blanket and says to Dogbert, "I've been having severe shyness attacks at work." Dogbert, who is sitting on Dilbert's legs says, "I can help." Dogbert says, "I'll send nude photos of you to everyone on the internet." Dilbert is in bed covering his upper body and asks Dogbert, "Will that work?" Dogbert, who is situated on Dilbert's leg replies, "All of my previous clients are dating 'Motley Crue' band members."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert research co>, #focus group, #carefully screened, #loser choices, #opposite, #what recommended, #skipped jury duty, #liver transplant

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Dogbert Research Co. Dogbert says, "You've all been carefully screened for this focus group." Dogbert continues, "Each of you has a pattern of making "Loser Choices." I'll tell my clients to do the opposite of whatever you recommend." One man says, "Fun! I'm glad I skipped jury duty to be here." THe woman next to him says, "I rescheduled my liver transplant!"