Twenty Comic Strips - Page 2

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View 11 - 20 results for twenty comic strips. Discover the best "Twenty" comics from Dilbert.com.

Pat Yourself On The Head

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Pat Yourself On The Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reward, prizes, reimbursement, expense report

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Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.

Car Rental Typing

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Car Rental Typing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logic, efficiency, car rental, frustration

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Car Rental. Man: I hope you don't have some sort of technology job. Dilbert: Why? Man: Because the user experience you are about to endure might make your head explode. Narrator: Twenty minutes later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why do you need to type so much?!!! Man: We got an engineer!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dieting & weight control, stress, overeating, willpower, downside, 20 year reduction, life expectency

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Dilbert: I took your advice to start overeating so I could save all of my willpower for work. The only downside is a twenty-year reduction in my life expectancy. Boss: Are you okay with that? Dilbert: Who would want twenty extra years of my life?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags telephones, reprogrammed speed dial, cellphone, calls himself, intelligence test, hold on, failed intelligence test, 20 minutes

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Dilbert: I reprogrammed our pointy-haired boss/ speed dial on his desk phone. Now every time he tries to use speed dial, it calls his own cellphone. It's like an intelligence test. I want to see how long it takes him to figure it our. Boss: I'd better take this. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hold on. Hold on. For the hundredth time, don't tell me to hold on! I'm telling you to hold on! Carol: Twenty minutes so far.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags charity, bottle caps, fund, chemo, pro children, snopes.com, internet hoax, award mug

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CEO: Thanks to your leadership, we collected twenty thousand bottle caps to help fund chemo for poor children. And thanks to your... whatever... we checked snopes.com and learned that the bottle cap thing was an internet hoax. I only brought one teamwork award mug, so you'll have to take turns drinking from it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), lawyer, feels wrong, research, harvard law degree, feelingl, greasy food and ignorance, data, harvard degree over cheeseburger, bad mood, science, legal

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Boss: This doesn't feel right. Dilbert: It came straight from our lawyer. Boss: It just feels wrong. Can you research it a little more? Dilbert: Sure. I can do that research in my head. Let's see... our lawyer got his degree at Harvard and has twenty years in this exact field. Whereas you have a "feeling" that is probably the result of an unholy combination of greasy food and ignorance. The data clearly favors the Harvard Law degree over the cheeseburger. ... Good luck. He's in a bad mood.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, secretaries (office), work ethic, filling in for boss, workstation vacation, being in charge, pverarted, martini glass, drinking, umbrella in drink, secretary, business

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Alice says, "I'm filling in for your boss this week, and I need twenty copies." Carol says, "That's not how it works. When he's out of the office I take a workstation vacation." Alice says, "I don't like being in charge." Carol says, "I hear it's overrated."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new dress code, consolidating, offcies, 20 people cubicle, impossible, thin film pil, no clothes, bad conditions, worst place work, awards, demoralize, inhumane, horrid conditions

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Catbert: The new dress code is a thin film of oil. "We're consolidating offices and we need to fit twenty people in each cubicle." Dilbert: "They've pretty much given up on winning one of those awards for best places to work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new vp, amrketing, xperinece, unrelated, indutry, assured, shampoo, sailing, Astrology

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The Boss: Our new VP of Marketing has twenty years of experience in an unrelated industry. "But he assured me that technology is the same as shampoo." "I predict smooth sailing." New VP: "Technology? I though you said astrology."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags your age, talking to youth, pleasure of flesh, not getting it, sought victory

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Wally: "When I was your age, Asok, I too sought the thrill of victory and the pleasure of the flesh." "But after twenty years of not getting either one, I made convenience my new mistress." "You know why I like talking to you?" Asok: "Because I am a good listener?" "No, because you're here."