Unexpended Stock Options Comic Strips - Page 2

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196 Results for Unexpended Stock Options

View 11 - 20 results for unexpended stock options comic strips. Discover the best "Unexpended Stock Options" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #decision, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #success, #manipulation

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CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?

Boss Instincts

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Boss Instincts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #instinct, #gut, #mating, #sex, #choosing

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Boss: Both options look good, but I need to choose one. I'll have to rely on my instinct. Dilbert: What does your instinct tell you? Boss: It's mostly about mating. Dilbert: Run.

Wally Finds Critical Bug

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Wally Finds Critical Bug - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #bug, #deception, #insider trading, #stock, #trick

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Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.

Doctor And Dopamine

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 Doctor And Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addiction, #impulse control, #social media, #twitter, #facebook, #pharmaceuticals, #drugs, #gambling, #technology

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Doctor: The MRI shows that your brain has been hijacked by dopamine pirates. You are now under the full control of social media corporations, gambling casinos, and big pharma. Boss: Are you writing me a prescription? Doctor: No, I'm buying stock in those companies.

Boss Finds A Thumb Drive

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Boss Finds A Thumb Drive  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers, #infection, #malware, #obliviousness, #virus, #hacker, #hacking

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Boss: I found a thumb drive on the sidewalk. It must be my lucky day. It's like free money! Dilbert: Can free money infect our network, too? Boss: You worry too much. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be selling all of my company stock.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack

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Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumors, #accusation, #lying, #obstinacy

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Boss: Why did you move the server rack? Dilbert: I didn't. Boss: You must be lying because I heard you did. Dilbert: Isn't it more likely you're wrong? Boss: Considering all the options, I like the one where I'm right about everything and you're a stinkin' liar.

Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks

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Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification

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CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?

No Walking Away

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No Walking Away - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #policy, #conversation, #ideas, #management, #strategy, #politeness, #etiquette, #business

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Boss: The company has a new politeness policy. It is no longer acceptable to turn and walk away while a co-worker is in the middle of telling you something. Dilbert: That will add months to my project. Alice: I'm selling all of my company stock.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #correction, #correcting, #freak out, #anger, #tress, #Advice, #eavesdropping, #awkward, #temper

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Man: What's the best way to invest these days? Boss: Penny stocks are the best value because they only cost a penny. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I hate over hearing bad advice! Boss: If I were you, I"d take out a second mortgage and load up. Dilbert; I don't want to get involved, but I'll feel bad if I don't. Boss: You'll get reliable stock-picking advice from strangers on television. Dilbert: Run! Cover your ears and run! If it makes you feel any less awkward, I don't now what to do now, either.