Vice Versa Comic Strips - Page 2
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The Boss says, "Meet our new vice president of engineering." The Boss says, "We're lucky to have him despite his utter lack of experience in our industry." The Boss says, "Some might call him unqualified, but I call him exotic." Vice President says, "You're over-selling."
The boss says, "This is Phil, our new vice president of marginally legal activities." The boss says, "He'll be leading the effort to make our user interfaces so confusing that people have to pay us for training." Dilbert says, "We already do that unintentionally." The boss says, "Sure, but we can't always rely on luck."
Asok thinks, "It's our vice president of engineering." Asok says, "Hello. I am Asok the intern, may I tell you about an idea I have?" Wally says, "Vice presidents can't hear us, Asok. To them, our voices sound like the faint buzzing of flies." Wally says, "If you want to give him your idea you have to do it indirectly." Wally says, "Tell someone who knows someone, who know's someone else, who knows the vice president." Wally says, "Or do what I do and channel your irrational impulse to be useful into an unquenchable thirst for coffee." Asok says, "So...What are you helping me?" Wally says, "The coffee machine is broken."
A man says, "It has come to my attention that your moral compass is damaged." The man says, "I'm promoting you to vice president of making employees feel miserable and helpless." Dilbert says, "That's an actual job?" The man says, "It doesn't happen on its own."
Asok: Who will present my findings to the board of directors?" The Boss: They only listen to the CEO. And he only listens to the senior vice presidents, and they only listen to the... Asok: Could you show this to the janitor for me?" RatBert: Whoa! Whoa! You don't talk to me directly!"
Wally: "Where do you think you're going?" Asok: "I need to ask our VP of sales a question." Wally: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" "You can't speak directly with a vice president." "You need to talk to your boss, who talks to his boss, who talks to someone who is friends with the VP of sales, who then talks to him." Asok: "Wouldn't that virtually guarantee that the wrong question gets asked?" Wally: "It's better to have the right person ask the wrong question than the wrong person ask the right questions." Asok: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "Talk to my secretary."
Dogbert: "Ratbert, I want you to be my vice presidential running mate." "Your job is to be so unpopular that no one will want to assassinate me." Ratbert: "I can do that!" Dilbert: "Seriously. Stop campaigning on my shoe." grrr!!!
"I worked all year on a project that got canceled today because we got a new vice president who didn't like it." "I made a billion dollars by convincing suckers that a garbage barge was oceanfront real estate." "Would you lend me some money so I can open my own business." "No, but I know some people on a barge who would."
Bob will be leaving us after 17 years as vice president of marketing. "Bob's accomplishments include lowering both our margins and our sales while overseeing a series of confusing marketing campaigns." "I hope you'll all join me in wishing for a piano to fall on his head."
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I have new guidelines on who can fly on the same plane." "We can't risk losing too many key employees." "The CEO and the president are not allowed to be on the same flight." "No more than three vice presidents may be on the same flight." "What are the guidelines for interns?" "Infinite interns are allowed on the same flight. You are also allowed to run with scissors and put plastic bags over your heads." "How many interns are allowed per plastic bag?"