Win Bet Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

145 Results for Win Bet

View 11 - 20 results for win bet comic strips. Discover the best "Win Bet" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #analogy, #false equivalence, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: The bad analogy guy. Dilbert: And that's why I want to rewrite that part of the software. Man: That's like closing the barn door after the horse gets out. Dilbert: No, it isn't anything like that. I just think the current software could bet better. Man: So it's like throwing away the baby with the bathwater. Dilbert: No, it is not like that even a little! Man: You sound exactly like Hitler. That can't be a coincidence. Dilbert: Nothing you say makes sense! Man: That's like saying the earth is flat.

Picking The Spaceship Staff

Thank you for voting.
Picking The Spaceship Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #space, #space flight, #rocket, #death, #sacrifice, #astronaut, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.

Dilbert In Wrong Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert In Wrong Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #awkward, #meeting, #embarrassed, #embarrassment, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I just realized I'm in the wrong meeting. My best bet is to slowly sink below the table and slip away. Someday, when my grandkids ask what I did for a living, I'm going to say I was unemployed.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #logic, #no-win, #deadline

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.

Wally Self Identifies As A Woman

Thank you for voting.
Wally Self Identifies As A Woman - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #trans, #transgender, #gimmick

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.

Wally Is Employee Of The Year

Thank you for voting.
Wally Is Employee Of The Year - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2016's comic on:


Tags #cheating, #referral, #employment, #reward, #award, #bonus, #proof, #guest artist, #jake tapper

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our Employee Of The Year is Wally, for referring so many new people to work in engineering. We believe he accomplished this feat by manipulating the referral system, but we can't prove it. So just to hedge our bet, we misspelled his name on the certificate. Wally: I had it coming.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #election, #voting, #technology, #fraud, #cheating, #vote, #Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?

Asok Meets Dick

Thank you for voting.
Asok Meets Dick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mean, #jerk, #internet, #comment, #sarcasm, #forum, #social media, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Someone told me you're the guy who makes all the jerky comments on the Internet. Dick: Oh, really? Someone "told you?" Wow. Have you heard of a thing called science? Asok: It's you! Dick: I'll bet you use a dumb avatar, too.

Next Robot Will Be Intelligent

Thank you for voting.
Next Robot Will Be Intelligent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ai, #artificial intelligence, #insult, #intelligence, #obliviousness, #robot, #stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our next robot release will have the intelligence of a human! Dilbert: Will it have intelligence in the same way you do? Boss: What are you implying? Dilbert: I'll bet the robot wouldn't know either.