Wrong Comic Strips - Page 2
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347 Results for Wrong
View 11 - 20 results for wrong comic strips. Discover the best "Wrong" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday January 10,
2021
Recurring Charges
Tags business, technology, cancel, online, charges, information, automated phone system, contact, website, microphone
Transcript
dilbert at home: i'm going to try to cancel some recurring online charges today. wish me luck. dogbert: what resistance are you expecting? dilbert: obviously, they hide their contact information, so i allocated two hours to find the right phone number. it should take about an hour to navigate their automated phone system that will keep sending me to the wrong place. if i reach a human, he'll try to divert me to their website to cancel, which i already know won't work because... ...i won't be able to find my account in their system for reasons no one will ever be able to explain. and of course, their phone support person will be using a headset microphone that garbles his already mumbled words. dogbert: but if you stick with it, you will eventually succeed? dilbert: i don't know were you got that idea.
Sunday November 22,
2020
Satellite Launch
Tags satellite, launch, radar, alien, spaceship, systems, technology, reality, suggestion, rocket, trajectory, bird, belgium
Transcript
dilbert in control room with others: we've triple-checked all systems, and we are ready to launch the satellite. nothing can go wrong. initiating launch. boss: nothing can go wrong? what if an alien spaceship appears over the launch site? dilbert: gaaa!!! don't jinx us. boss: that's not how reality works. i can't make things happen just by suggesting them. dilbert: you're wrong! that is exactly how reality works! wa;;y: something just appeared on radar directly above the rockets trajectory. boss: maybe it's a bird. wally: it's the size of belgium.
Sunday November 08,
2020
Banana Is Not An Apple
Tags anger, apple, argue, banana, business, doctored image, google, managers & supervisors, search, wrong
Transcript
dilbert holding out banana: i'm not hungry today. do you want my banana? boss: that's an apple. dilbert: um..no this is a banana. boss: clearly it is not. dilbert: i can't believe you are making me do a google search to prove i know what a banana is. see? those are bananas. this looks just like the photos. this is a banana. those images are doctored. dilbert yelling: there are a million banana images! they are not all doctored! boss: you know how i know you are wrong? because you never admit you are wrong. gotcha! dilbert yelling: that is not a thing!!! boss: that's exactly what all the people who are wrong say.
Monday October 26,
2020
A Feeling You Are Doing It Wrong
Tags business, correct, friends, mistakes, sarcasm, technology, watch, wrong
Transcript
dilbert: i have a feeling you are doing something wrong, but i don't know what. do you mind if i watch over your shoulder and look for mistakes as you make them? coworker: you don't have friends, do you? dilbert: i like to travel light.
Sunday October 04,
2020
Golden Age For Wally
Tags 6 feet, avoid, coffee, eye contact, face mask, grocery shopping, office workers, social distancing, upgrade, Women
Transcript
wally at coffee pot talking to Dilbert:: social distancing has been a great upgrade to my life. in the old days, women avoided me by at least ten feet. now i often get within seven. i think it's because i'm better-looking with most of my face covered. especially if i wear a hat and sunglasses. and i learned that women will talk to me if i walk the wrong way down a grocery aisle. they're usually complaining but at least they make eye contact. it's sort of a golden age for people like me.
Saturday October 03,
2020
Proceed As If Nothing Happened
Tags accomplish, business, face mask, managers & supervisors, office workers, people, project, technology
Transcript
tina: why did you tell our boss i have the wrong people on my project? dilbert: i didn't say that. in fact, i don't even know what you project is trying to accomplish, much less who is working with you on it. will we now proceed as if you didn't hear me say that? tina upset: they are not the wrong people.
Sunday September 13,
2020
Applying Math To Guesses
Tags business ethics, managers & supervisors, employment, business, analysis, discount rate, installation, maintenance, project, technology, math, guess, sarcasm, face mask
Transcript
boss: how confident are you in your analysis? dilbert: very confident. boss: good. dilbert: unless i used the wrong discount rate, which is hard to know. boss: but otherwise, it's solid? dilbert: except for the installation and maintenance costs, which are wild guesses. and we don't know if we sized the project right, so costs could be double or triple. boss: it sounds as if you applied math to a bunch of wild guesses. dilbert: yes, but i got the result you wanted. boss: next time, just say that.
Saturday September 05,
2020
Lifetime Of Being Wrong
Tags business, office workers, wrong, decision, career, assess, life, sarcasm, face mask
Transcript
dilbert: i think you're wrong. co-worker: what error did i make? dilbert: i'm basing my decision on your entire career of being wrong about everything. i hope i'm not the first person to point that out. co-worker: give a minute to reassess my entire life.
Wednesday August 26,
2020
Narcisism Makes You Happy
Tags office workers, sarcasm, narcissim, happy, unhappy, therapist, reason, face mask, wrong
Transcript
Carol: you should see a therapist about your narcissism. dilbert: if i'm happy and you're unhappy, doesn't that mean you should see a therapist and i should stay the way i am? carol: no, that's totally wrong, but give me a minute to come up with a reason.
Sunday August 02,
2020
Dilbert Tells The Odds
Tags business, decision, estimate, managers & supervisors, miscommunication, odds, technology, wrong
Transcript
dilbert: i estimate odds at a 70% chance things go well, and a 30% chance we lose money on the deal. boss: if we lose money, will you admit you were wrong? dilbert: how could i be wrong? i'm just telling you the odds. boss: if we lose money, that's on you for recommending it. dilbert: um...no. i'm telling you the odds and letting you decide. boss: but you're the one saying this is such a great deal. dilbert upsetting and yelling forcing face mask off his face: i'm only telling you the odds, you pea-brained ignoramus!!! boss: so, you won't admit you were wrong? dilbert's face mask is over his eyes.


