1000 Returns Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

30 Results for 1000 Returns

View 11 - 20 results for 1000 returns comic strips. Discover the best "1000 Returns" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #leader, #listen to customers, #hearing from customers, #customers are defective

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss leaves his office and thinks, "As a leader, I must listen to my customers." The Boss says to Dilbert at his computer, "What are you hearing from our customers?" Dilbert says, "Not a peep." The Boss returns to his office and thinks, "Our customers are defective."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #booby trap cucbilce, #borrow guest chair, #in slices cubicle, #dilbert snagged, #upside down, #hanging, #rope, #innocent, #trapped

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice returns to her cubicle to find Dilbert hanging upside-down in the trap she set. Dilbert asks Alice, "Alice, did you booby-trap your cubicle?" Alice answers, "The question is, why are you in my cubicle?" Dilbert replies, "What if I promise to never again borrow your guest chair?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #incomprehensible accent, #won't ask questions, #coffee pot

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally, pouring a cup of coffee, says to Dilbert, "I'm thinking of adopting an incomprehensible accent so people won't ask me questions." Dilbert asks Wally as he returns the empty coffee pot to the warmer, "Um... Are you leaving that coffee pot empty right in front of me?" Wally says to Dilbert, "Meeyerna derna furna algonkin buhjoorna."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software expenses, #marketing software expenses, #monkeys, #wear watches, #boss asks, #budget, #costs, #expenses

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sees Alice at her desk and asks, "Why are our software expenses higher than marketing's software expenses?" Alice replies, "For the same reason monkey's don't wear watches." Caption reads: "One hour later." The Boss returns and asks, "Does it involve fur in any way?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date, #complain, #all night, #called a loser, #personality, #one thing, #complaint, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert returns home from his date and says to Dogbert, "My date complained about her life all night long!" Dilbert continues, "But I complain about just ONE thing and she calls ME a loser." Dogbert asks, "Did you complain about her personality?" Dilbert replies, "That's ONE thing!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales training, #sell anything, #roadkill, #thousand dollars, #class, #got hat, #seminar, #prop

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Sales Training. A speaker says, "A trained salesperson can sell anything to anyone." The speaker continues, "I will prove it by selling this roadkill to one of you for a thousand dollars." Dilbert returns home with roadkill on his head. Dogbert asks, "Um.. How was your class?" Dilbert responds, "I got a hat!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #peggy pr dircetor, #press release, #technical accuracy, #trained squirrel, #run on sentences, #transparent lies, #spelling grammar, #errors, #criticism stronger

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss and a woman approach Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Peggy the P.R. Director." The Boss continues, "I want you to review her press release for technical accuracy." Peggy presents a document to Dilbert. Dilbert sits and reads it. Peggy watches his reaction. Dilbert asks, "Who wrote this? A trained squirrel?" He continues, "I don't know where to begin." Peggy gets angry as Dilbert takes a pen to the press release. Dilbert says, "I'll cross out the run-on sentences and transparent lies first." Dilbert continues, "Then the failed attempts at cuteness... the spelling errors... grammar." Dilbert returns the press release to a Peggy, who is furious. Dilbert adds, "There you go. Remember, criticism makes you stronger." Dilbert is at home how, clothes torn to shreds, arm in a sling, head bandaged. To Dogbert, he says, "It was a mistake to make her stronger."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #salesman, #questions, #best running shoe, #sneakers are sneakers, #far superior, #expensive ones

View Transcript

Transcript

SALE: DIlbert is standing in a shoe store looking around. Alan, a salesman from behind asks, "Do you have any questions?" Dilbert turns and asks, "What's your best running shoe?" The salesman replies, "They're all the same. Sneakers are sneakers." The store manager interrupts, "Alan, may I have a word with you?" Dilbert continues to inspect the shoes as the manager and salesman are conferencing in the back. The salesman returns and says, "The expensive sneakers are far superior." Dilbert replies, "I'll take them!" The salesman thinks, "I feel like I'm clubbing a baby seal." Dilbert is holding up a sneaker and asks, "Will these work with my old socks?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Loud Howard returns "Loud Howard, I'm planning a reorg and I need you to..." "A REORG?" "...keep it to yourself." "CAN DO!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bragging, #rudeness, #selfishness, #stories, #goat cistume, #donated organs, #hollow torso, #backpack, #zipper, #family of squirrels

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper Returns Dilbert says, "I dreamed I was wearing a goat costume." Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "I donated all of my organs to sick people. Now I use my hollow torso like a backpack." "Dilbert says, "And I tried to go on a date." Topper says, "See my zipper? I took in a family of squirrels!"