Accomplished Comic Strips - Page 2

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31 Results for Accomplished

View 11 - 20 results for accomplished comic strips. Discover the best "Accomplished" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #cpg project, #confused, #leader, #team, #face front, #back, #walk away, #flippant, #useless, #forget, #frustrated, #angry, #comfort, #hand on shoulder, #shake, #clench teeth, #hair stand up, #business

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The Boss says, "How's the CPG project coming along?" Dilbert says, "How would I know?" The Boss says, "You're leading that project." Dilbert says, "I am? Since when?" The Boss says, "I told everyone on the team two months ago." Dilbert says, "I'm not on the team. You never told me." The Boss says, "Whatever, go tell the team you've been in charge for the past two months and see what they've accomplished." The Boss says, "Who is on the team?" The Boss says, "I forget. I think one had dark hair. And another one was sad." The Boss says, "Don't tell them there's a duplicate project in another division." Wally says, "You'll be okay. Just release the caring. Let it go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #certification, #lazy, #lie, #plan b, #yell, #passionate defense, #argument, #scare, #wide eyes, #point, #shake finger, #apology, #business

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Wally says, "I accomplished nothing this week because I was going through certification." Wally thinks, "Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask." The Boss says, "Certification for? what?" Wally thinks, "Plan B: Mount a passionate defense against an argument that no one made." Wally says, "How can you say that certification is a waste of time?!" Wally says, "Without certification, management would be reduced to randomness!" Wally says, "Do you think you'd be happier just guessing who is qualified to do what? Do you? Do you?" The Boss says, "There's something wrong with you." Wally says, "Apology accepted. Next."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"You exceeded all of your goals this year." "But I can't give you much of a raise because you didn't have the appearance of success." "Um...what?" "I have to justify to management all large raises, and they don't know that you exist." "Who do they think accomplished all of my goals?" "I'll make it up to you next year." push "Who was that?" "Some vendor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #access, #apprval, #blocked website, #cip, #director of hr, #hostiliy, #mean, #threat

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This website has been blocked by your company. Dilbert: Mordac, I need access to a blocked site for business reasons, Mordac: I can only unblock the site if the director of human resources sends me a written approval. Catbert: I can only make recommendations, Our Cis still has to approve it. Chief Information Officer How dare you bother me with your trivial website problem! Carol back into your hole and think about the career mistake you just made! Dilbert: Can we kip the part where you ask me what I accomplished this week?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #laziness, #training class, #training expenses, #vendor, #permission, #proactive, #alleged class, #truts, #aggressiveness, #uselessness

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Wally: I accomplished nothing this week because I was in a training class. Boss: I didn't approve any training expenses. Wally: A vendor paid for it. Boss: You didn't ask for permission. Wally: I'm proactive and empowered. Boss: And what was the name of this alleged class? Wally: Advanced scripting structure for internetwork optimization of SQL databases. Boss: That doesn't sound real. Wally: I can't do my job if you don't trust me! Do you like how I combined aggressiveness with my baseline level of uselessness? I have a good feeling about this. Dilbert: You might need more aggressiveness.

Embellishing Resumes

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Embellishing Resumes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #resume, #lying, #deception, #accomplishments, #management, #success

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Catbert: I discovered that one of your employees embellished on his resume. Boss: That's outrageous! Fire him for lying to me! Catbert: I'm talking about the version he updated today. It says he accomplished things while working for you. Boss: That doesn't sound right.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2015's comic on:


Tags #tagline, #marketing, #advertising, #ad, #ads, #impossible, #business

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Boss: We need a tagline for our new product. It should be no more than three words. It should convey an emotion. And it should clearly explain everything the product does. Dilbert: In three words? Boss :I didn't say it would be easy. Nike accomplished all of that with "Just do it." Dilbert: Did they? Because that seems like a generic thing you can say in any situation. Boss: Just do it! Alice: How about "Keep doing it?" Is that one taken?

Wally Is Employee Of The Year

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Wally Is Employee Of The Year - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2016's comic on:


Tags #cheating, #referral, #employment, #reward, #award, #bonus, #proof, #guest artist, #jake tapper

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Boss: Our Employee Of The Year is Wally, for referring so many new people to work in engineering. We believe he accomplished this feat by manipulating the referral system, but we can't prove it. So just to hedge our bet, we misspelled his name on the certificate. Wally: I had it coming.

Wally Waits For People

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Wally Waits For People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #responsibility, #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses

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Boss: You accomplished nothing this month. Wally: I'm waiting for people to get back to me. I believe it is your job to make sure those other people do their jobs. Boss: I guess I could talk to them. Wally: I'll wait for you to get back to me.

Wally And Gandhi Have Lots In Common

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Wally And Gandhi Have Lots In Common - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #gandhi, #comparison, #coffee, #greatness, #achievement

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Wally: Have you ever noticed how much I have in common with Gandhi? We're both little bald guys who think India should be self-governing. Dilbert: I don't think he drank coffee. Wally: Imagine what he could have accomplished if he did.