Anticipate Questions Comic Strips - Page 2
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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and another employee sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, the staff meeting is over. Does anybody have any meaningless rambling questions? Johnson?" Johnson asks, "How can we work as a team to achieve total quality without sacrificing customer focus?" The Boss asks, "How many people would like to see me make Johnson fetch this stick?" Everyone raises their hands.
Dilbert stands in a hole and says to Dogbert, "I'll admit, I should have asked more questions before booking our vacation to Clyde Canyon." Dilbert continues, "But it's not as if we're just throwing our vacation money into a . . . a . . ." Dogbert says, "Hole in the ground?" Dilbert responds, "Exactly."
The caption says, "Dogbert starts a tabloid newspaper devoted to lies about himself." Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types. Dilbert asks, "Where do you get your ideas?" Dogbert types, "Dogbert's impatience with fools was legendary. He once choked a man by his necktie for asking stupid questions." Dilbert looks over Dogbert's shoulder as Dogbert types, "It happened one day when the fool was reading over Dogbert's shoulder and got too close."
Dogbert sits at a desk typing. Dilbert looks over Dogbert's shoulder and asks, "What's this?" Dogbert replies, "I'm starting my own newsletter for clueless people." Dogbert continues, "Thanks to the technical marvel of desktop publishing, clueless people will now have the benefit of my immense wisdom." Dilbert asks, "How do you know who the clueless people are?" Dogbert replies, "They ask a lot of questions."
Dogbert says to Dilbert who is sitting at his desk, "I think the best way to pursue my goal of world domination is to become a talk radio host." Dogbert continues, "I'll promote my unique conservative viewpoint that people are idiots who deserve to be mocked." Dilbert asks, "Won't people show your viewpoint to be flawed by virtue of their intelligent questions?" Dogbert asks, "Like that one?"
The sign over Dogbert's desk reads, "Dogbert's Find-A-Friend Service." A man says, "I'd like to find a friend." Dogbert says, "Have a seat." Dogbert says, "I need to ask a few questions, so I don't accidentally match you with somebody who's too good for you." Dogbert says, "One: When a friend doesn't return a borrowed tool, do you? a: Make sarcastic comments; b: buy a new tool; c: set a lethal trap." The man answers, "C: Set a lethal trap." Later, Dogbert reads the results of the test and says, "I'm afraid you haven't qualified for a normal friend . . . I could set you up with somebody who's new in town, but it wouldn't last." Dogbert says, "There's one option . . . Two, if you count growing sea monkeys." The man stands at Dilbert's door. Dilbert says, "Yes, I hate sea monkeys too. Who are you?"
Dilbert sits at a table using a laptop. Dilbert tells the man across the table, "I need to document your job processes to satisfy our ISO 9000 requirements." The man replies, "Okay." The man says, "I try to anticipate the shifting political winds. Then I wrap myself in the relevant buzzwords and try to achieve importance without adding value." Dilbert asks, "What's your job title?" The man replies, "Director of ISO 9000 Quality Process Design."
Dilbert sits at a table with a man. Dilbert says, "We like to ask our applicants some questions that will allow us to see how you think." Dilbert asks, "If you have a five-gallon bucket and a fifty-gallon bucket, how can you tell which one holds more water?" The man beats his head with his fists and says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Dilbert says, "When I said, 'See how you think,' what I meant was . . ."
Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector. He says, ". . . Therefore, I recommend that we switch to the new technology . . . Any questions?" A man sitting at the conference table asks, "Dilbert, are you willing to bet your career on this?" Dilbert replies, "Yes, I would definitely bet my career." Dilbert continues, "You would too if you had MY career." Dilbert places a transparency on the projector and says, "I have a view graph which anticipated your question." Dilbert points to the diagram and says, "This chart tracks my declining sense of self-worth as my career progresses." Dilbert continues, "At the low-point, here, I'm reduced to answering imbecilic questions while pointing a little stick at the wall." Dilbert arrives at home and Dogbert asks, "How did the presentation go?" Dilbert replies, "There's such a thing as being too prepared."
Asok the Intern says to the Boss, "I have a question about this document marked 'proprietary'." Asok holds a piece of paper and says, "If I spent my whole life searching, do you think I could find anyone who would care about this?" Asok, Dilbert, and Alice are sitting at the lunch table in the cafeteria. Asok looks angry and has his arms folded across his chest. Dilbert explains, "As you gain experience, you'll realize that all logical questions are considered insubordination."