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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 1997's comic on:


Tags #money chetter, #dogbert mutual fund, #highest perfromer, #read anything, #tv show, #financial reports

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A television anchorman sits next to Dogbert and looks into the tv camera. He says, "My guest today on "Money Chatter" is the head of the "Dogbert Mutual Fund." The anchorman reads from a paper and says, "It's reported that your fund is the highest performer of the decade. Tell us how you made that happen." Dogbert says, "Okay." Dogbert says, Apparently, this guy will read anything you hand him." The anchor's eyes bulge out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #serial number, #inside unit, #warranty void, #open case, #anything changes

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Caption: "Dogbert's tech support" Dogbert sits at a computer and talks on the phone. Dogbert says, "I'll need your serial number, which is conveniently located inside the unit. The man on the other end of the phone says, "The sticker says my warranty will be void if I open the case." DOgbert says, "Well, call me if anything changes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 1999's comic on:


Tags #risk management assessment, #no risk, #managemnt, #add anything

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Alice says, to the boss, "As requested, I did a "risk management" assessment." Alice points to a picture of the boss with a zero over his head. Alice says, "I concluded that there was no risk of any management." Alice says, "Do you have anything to add?" The boss says, "I'll get back to you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2000's comic on:


Tags #call me, #documenting everything, #do anything

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The Boss walks into Wally's office with a notepad. He says, "I'm documenting everything you do so I can easily fire you someday." The Boss continues to stand behind Wally. The Boss says, "Maybe you could call me if you do anything." Wally says, "Leave it here and I'll fill it out for you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2000's comic on:


Tags #not care, #subordinates, #all changed, #not caring funtion

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The Boss says to Asok the Intern, "I used to not care about my subordinates." The Boss says to Asok, "But that's all changed." The Boss says to Asok as Alice, The Boss' secretary, looks on, "Now I delegate the not-caring function to what's-her-face over here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2001's comic on:


Tags #more with less, #work smarter, #broadening focus, #doesn't mean anything, #excuse leaderhsip

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The Boss sits at the conference table next to Dilbert and Wally. The Boss says, "We need to do more with less." Wally raises his hand and says, "I propose that we work smarter while broadening our focus." The Boss says, "Wally, that doesn't mean anything." Wally replies, "Well, excuse my leadership."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2001's comic on:


Tags #selfish, #dimwitted, #six sigma consulatant, #bog down meetings, #process, #can't hurt anything

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Headline: Six Sigma Consultant. Dogbert is standing in front of a room. He says, "All of you are selfish and dimwitted but don't worry." Dogbert continues, "I'll teach you a process that will bog you down in meetings so you can't hurt anything." Asok panics and exclaims, "I can't move my arms!" The rest of the class is asleep.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2002's comic on:


Tags #sales training, #sell anything, #roadkill, #thousand dollars, #class, #got hat, #seminar, #prop

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Headline: Sales Training. A speaker says, "A trained salesperson can sell anything to anyone." The speaker continues, "I will prove it by selling this roadkill to one of you for a thousand dollars." Dilbert returns home with roadkill on his head. Dogbert asks, "Um.. How was your class?" Dilbert responds, "I got a hat!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2003's comic on:


Tags #created time line, #identified resources, #revise timeline, #re examine, #thousand ways, #haven't done anything

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Wally: "In only one week my project team has created a time line and identified the resources we need." "Next week, we plan to revise the time line and re-examine our resource needs." "Good work." "There must be a thousand ways to say I haven't done anything." "Wait.."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #retired, #do anything, #all day long, #banging head, #earn money, #social infrastructure, #warm, #tingly, #sensation, #guilty

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Dogbert: "It's nice to be retired. I'll do a-a-anything I want to do all day long." "I guess you'll be banging your head against a wall today, trying to earn money for the social infrastructure." Dilbert: "Do you ever feel guilty?" Dogbert: "Is it a warm, tingly sensation that makes you wag?"